TiRed~~

Hi people..It has been a very long time since the last time i wrote my blog. Well, it may be my last time continuing to do this thingy. I may stop...who knows. I am quite tired of myself. I have really lost control in myself. My heart has overule my mind at times.. Seriously, I know I am such a person...Well ... Cuz Heart is Blind..they are hidden in the bodies... Neva expose to the real world?

Haiz... I am tired liao... Really ... At work , facing friends , facing colleagues , facing family or even facing the person that is always on my mind; i am tired of not being able to be myself ... I know i am very emotionally unstable ... well ... i am a sore loser in relationship ... what to do ...

GettiNg Older

gosh....i am getting older...this year birthday really different from last year..a few of my friends made their efforts to celebrate with me. i am really touched...i thought this year would be sad like last year..but i neva expect this year to be differenr...plus my colleagues..they really make me so happy . :)

one of the things that i am really happy was e watch i received from my parents...they bought me the watch that i was eyeing for 4 yrs... i was so happy that i cried... well...i was trying to save up to buy it but they bought it..so of course...i am extremely happy...well...parents after all :)

my birthday celebrations spread over 2 weeks... haha...because my friends usually dunno each other, i have to spread my time with them..and becuz of this, i feel that i am so popular..haha...no la...not popular..cuz my skin rather thick...i want people to celebrate with me.. well...actually i dun really like to celebrate birthdays..just an indication of getting older and a signal taht i am facing more troubles as i get older...

haiz~~getting older...xin....you owe me a present..not one bt two...

my wishes..simple...just wanna my whole family to be free from problems...and...i can really be in my fairytale..to be with the one i really love...would it be you, xin? haa.... i dunno...actually i dunno if i wanna be with you....i am totally lost.....

the LighT of my Life?

hi everyone..it has been really awhile since e last time i write up by blog.it has been busy for me. tied up at work.getting older by the second and becoming tired easily by the minute.wats happening?

i am lost. lost in my own world. seriously. i am behaving more zombie-like by the day. i quite enjoy my work cuz my job is flexible. the nature of my job is an area which is totally unfamiliar to me, but i am quite glad that i do learn new things everyday. i am glad i have good company at work though there are alot of gossipers, backstabbers, or even nonsensical people. well,its inevitable, these minority of people exists in almost every work place. well, these people better not offend me though :P

well....i am feeling really restless every single day. wats happening? perhaps....my waiting game has been too long til i am behaving like that? have i lost the interest in the waiting game? or ... i am finally going to face music ? i dunno...can anione please brighten up my life? gosh.....

LoVe is ....

LoVe is sweet, yet bitter at times. Period of sweet and bitterness depends on individuals...

Everyone loves the sweetness right?

But do everyone love his or her partner? or they simply looking for company in life?

After being single for quite a period, plus making mistakes here and there. Hearing and looking at happy and unhappy relationships here and there, i do feel i dun need love. I love to be adored by alot of people. This kinda love dun have to come from bf, they can come from anione. So i guess...probably, i dun need ani bf. I just wanna have fun and being "teng" by the many people around me.

Feelings of confusion again...Thats me...Troubled always...

SicKly DivA

i am sick...seriously sick...must be the swim..cuz i swam in the rain..oh well, plus past few days of not enuff sleep, my body cannot take it and broke down..haha..oh well...must really drink lots of water..

went to my friend's wedding on sat..oh well..another friend getting married..cool...congrats...

just wonder when it will be mine?
well....really no hope in getting married cuz i think xin and me not meant to be together. well, we are meant to go thru tough paths but in the end, i guess we both know that our lives are meant to cross only...the end of the road is not the same. right?

perhaps...well...i won't give up...unless, the kind of love has died in me...

Horoscope Day~~~

Taurus is an earth sign ruled by Venus. Taurus represents art, beauty in all its forms, and strength (not only physical). Taureans are realistic, security loving (both on the material and psychological level) and they like routines, also in their love relationship. In order to obtain this kind of security, they use all of their qualities: resistance, quietness, patience and practical intelligence. They seldom lose control, but when they do get angry they can be violent. This is the reason why it is necessary for them to find the right partner. Taureans live and love in a complete manner, they are constant, and never vain.

Oh well....how true this is about me? i dunno..haha.....my xin is a pisces....and this is how they analyses my relationship with pisces people...oh well.....

TAURUS AND PISCES
Pisces may not altogether understand Taurus's materialistic approach to life. But the dependability of Taurus supplies the anchor Pisces needs to keep from drifting away into a private sea of fantasy. Hard-working Taurus sets a good example for lazy Pisces. Also, Taurus's practical, easygoing nature helps Pisces through its frequent changes of mood. In love, Taurus is devoted and Pisces is adoring. Though Pisces can be a little fey for Taurus, they're well suited sexually. Taurus is passionate, Pisces is sensual, and what's wrong with that?

New YeaR

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!

Cool, it's the new year season. Everyone's visiting? i have just done my visiting in malaysia, so here i am back in singapore. Well, who wants me to their homes for the new year ? let me know k? haha

looks like the new year has some surprises for me. but yet to know. i actually thought of ending my complicated relationship with xin. cuz waiting game is really a torture. my close friend maybe leaving for hk, i told xin. he told me, it's ok... he'll be able to keep be company when he comes back. What's the meaning of this? haiz~~i think too much. gosh... sometimesi just do...

well, right now..before he does what he promises me, i guess, i better concentrate on earning big bucks for the near future. i need to achieve my dream of owning my shop!!! hee :) wish me luck~~~

oh valentine~~~

hey..it's been very long since i last write my blog....been busy....lazing...haa

aniwae, i met up my gf who came back from aus yesterday. she's in love...oh mine...and i din know until yesterday..hee..so good at hiding...and my colleague called me yesterday night to tell me how she misses her husband cuz her husband is at usa..oh well..long distance relationship is really not easy to maintain...oh well....what abt me? where's my valentine?

hmm...dreamt of xin last night..well, it's almost a yr...oh well...really long neva been in love..haha...do i need it ? i dunno...i thought i am a faithful, loyal, sentimental gal..yes..indeed i am...but i am tired of the waiting game...haiz~~

Cry Baby

yesterday was a horrible day for me... i do not know why...but i just feel very horrible inside...i feeling like ending my life...it is so horrible...well...i am like living for people..leading a life for people...

but what kind of life i want? ... do i know?

maybe it's me...just myself...i am just simply like to give myself too much pressure...hey, ya just a human being ok? ya not saint ok ? dun try to be saint...no one appreciates...sometimes, i always said these to myself..i feel myself doing too much for others...really kinda silly...do i deserve all these? haiz~~ i am really stressed up with life...

i am always so bubbly to others...but..really..i haven been really happy for a long long time...haiz~~
well, nvm....lucky i cried alot last night...really cried so much til my eyes were so swollen..but the crying thing really make me so much better....

Pre-WorkinG Sydrome

well...well...well....i have been working all this while.....since 19......but i dunno why....after i signed the letter of appointment of the full time job...i dun feel like working....kinda sick...and blamed myself for signing....whats up with me?

well, perhaps, all these while, i am working on a part time basis...no stress...not much responsibility...but now, i have to bear responsibility for the job...have to take precaution of my speech...be careful not to divulge company's operations etc....god....must be really careful....well, i do sound serious cuz my job is like a personal assistant to my boss...i am in charge of his almost everything....i will have access to alot of company's stuffs.....hmm....seems to have a lot of responsibility..but pay not very satisfying ley....haha....probably, if the pay was higher, i may not have the pre-working sydrome afterall....well, the HR promise to review my pay after three mths...just hope she do what she say......otherwise, i wonder if i would ever stay long in the company....

hmm...wish me luck ba......i hope i won't be bored in this manufacturing firm...and hope....i have great propects in it.......:)

WhaTs WronG witH me?!?

i saw my nightmare a few days ago....however..i still upset over the acquaintance....i dunno whats wrong with me. i admit this time round, i was more calm than the previous time that i saw him. but...i really can't push him out of my mind. why...i dunno why also...what that has happen is already over. why do i seems so lost.....argh...i hope i won't see him again...yet i wanna see him....confuse...well...women are complicated creatures...i admit i can understand people very well....but i dun understand myself....what do i want ? him? no...i know who i want to be with right now....my complicated xin....but why am i behaving like that...dun tell me i love him...nah....i dun...attractions probably...physical appearance? haa...i dunno....what abt me? where do i stand? no where...he doesn't care abt me at all..so why shld i bother..fuck him...anyway...i am simply too bored...thats why u came into the picture..i know who i want in life..but i wonder if u know who u want...you just love urself too much..

hmm...i dunno what am i writing.....i am loss.....xin.....forgive me....

Start oF 2005~~

for a start of the new 2005, i should be quite happy cuz i met my special someone today. we had a great chat and i hope things will continue to be like this....well...keep my fingers crossed...

but however things are so ironic....i met my nightmare on the roads today also. we walked past each other. i saw him last month and i saw him again. well...singapore is really simply too small. i can't avoid him i guess...well...dunno what to say....

2004 ended with alot of bloodshed....the tsunami killed so many people. if only i know medical stuffs, i would gg and help out. but i am a useless gal who is so afraid of blood...and so blur at times. would make things worse only i guess..so i can only help by donating clothes and money. i really feel so sad for them...i cried while watching the news..especially scenes of the corpses..and when i saw the mums screaming at their dead kids, i could not figure what they were screaming..but from the tone, i know....the words hurt...i just hope everything will be better by the day...
hope nothing like this happens again....the number of deaths is too shocking....

well.....and i....found a full time job..finally....pay is not cfm yet..but the range of the salary is quite standard..so i just hope that the pple and environment will be interesting. i hope my job won't be boring...hee...so bless me kay ?

and sucks....work starts at 8....
early....i wonder how many times i would be late :P
thats all i guess....
take care everyone....
i like everyone....
cheers~~~

2005!! ResolutionS?!?

ho ho ho ...
christmas is over!! 2005 has come~~~
hmm....a new year..so people, got any resolutions?

me....never really think....let me think....
eh..every year also relatively the same ba....but never really keep to my resolutions..eh...no good hor..cuz never really write down mah...ok...i shall write on my blog..hope i can keep them..

1. Do not Smoke...
i am not a regular smoker..but always bad habit..so this year must try to quit..:P
2. Drink LesSer...
well, quite addicted to drinking nowadays..so must cut down...healthy and save costs.. hee
3. Stop bumminG around and be committed to a full time job...
lazy la....still want my part time actually...but can be quite sian at times...so must train to settle down liao..
4. Stop blaminG myselF for past Mistakes ...
well...i can't stop blaming myself for things i have stupidly done. keep lookinG back and can't face reality..hope i be able to face e music..
5. Settle my relationship with Xin...
Ours is a complicated relationship..ups and downs...hope i can settle it this year...it's torturing me...
6. Be Optimistic
i am a happy go lucky person actually. but i am very pessimistic over a lot of things. i think too much and thats why can't be really happy though i dun show it . i hope i can be optimistic and be a happier person than before. then i really cannot remove my crying face from my nick in msn (been there for long liao) :P
7. Pay off my debts..
get out of my poverty cycle this year and get richer by the day!!! my dream!i can do it!! :P
8. Spend more time with my family.
i admit i really dun spend enough time with my family. i will try to make more time with them
9. Spend more time with my school pals especially jc friends.
haven see them for very long....
10. Lose weight
every year, my resolution will include this..haha

well...so much ... alot more..but i dun wanna be so loh soh...
well, still..i wish everyone best of health, happiness and prosperity.
lastly, my deepest sympathy to the victims in the tsunami disaster.