as usual .. with a bunch of guys together .. they probably forget that i am not a male... serious .. but .. ok lah .. actually since schooldays, i am usual with mix of guys rather than gals... it's better .. so i can control my blushness... haha... otherwise .. i keep blushing ... yes... i still blush! lol
anyway ... the topics for e past few days super "high" for my group... e day before was on threesome. haha .. i told JJ* that i read with a lady writing to a magazine asking for advise. The lady was planning to celebrate their anniversary. And she was planning something real ... *XXX* she was thinking to arrange a threesome party for her bf ... i am like ... huh ... is she being serious ? hmm .. i think i cant accept this idea ... i think the lady has gone nuts ... lol ... thus .. threesome was ytd ...
yes.. on monday ... off-shoulder or tube ... which is more sexier ... caught the topic on class 95. personally i felt that off-shoulder is much sexier .. tube .. unless .. the lady has super good figure .. otherwise off shoulder is good ... giving even room for sexiness and fantasy ... lol ... i sound like a man ...
today ... even more super "high" a sudden discussion between bikinis and bra ... why is it accepted if a woman walks along e road with bikini and not accepted if she walk in bras! lol .. well well... nothing's fair in this world ... aniwae .. i guess is the message bring across when you wear bikini or u wear bras...
haha .. and i asked .. prefer naked or with something ... lol ... tis guys prefer something on first ... totally naked will be off... haha ... men ... afterall ... their mindset super duper XXX ... Then i brought up my friend's story .. and stupid them ... teased me that i am the person in the story ...
there's a gal who fell in love with tis guy .. no matter what she do ... he doesnt accept her ... well..she's not exactly very pretty ... i do not her well enough... so i cant comment on her character .. but ... i know she really love that guy ... and one day ... she went up to his house ... with e mindset of seducing him ... and it failed despite she took off her clothes ... i think it is real sad for e girl ... but seriously ... surprisingly .. he rejected her ... and my khakis claims .. motive clear ... thus they would not wanna board the lorry ... men ... men...
well... i dun trust their statements... men afterall ... think they really cannot think w their small brain of theirs... they can be smart creatures ... but somehow .. i think most of them think and work with their *XXX . perhaps ... many men would jump and disagree ... but tis is my point of view...
well... at least e topic brought us all laughter .. can kill e bit of boredom at work ...
i wonder.... whats on tml ... LOL
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
Continous story of Xin-zai
had lunch with mum and sis the other day. as usual, the same old topic haunting me...
my eyes were really blind to e core when i was with demon. he is really a demon .. been haunting me even until today. my name is tarnish becuz of my relationship with him. well.. i got no one to blame other than myself. e choice was mine despite i didnt really love him so much. i tot it was a good move as i could move on my life rather than lingering in the old memories of xin. but i was wrong. xin still holds a place in my heart regardless.. that's crazy. demon was much older than me and more stable than me. he taught me some life aspects, but .. he's really too different from me. we hold different viewpoints. thus quarrels and quarrels. e number of quarrels seem uncountable. a stubborn taurus like me would quarrel to the end. even i am wrong...well... i guess he was never meant to be with me... i never really gave in. i could give him up. and it was totally so different from the end with xin.
i was holding back my tears when mum commented that xin and i were not fated to be. yes indeed. not fated. if nothing had happen ... what would have happen? would he change? would i change ? would we still be together? well.. no one predicts the future.
was at seletar dam yesterday. a quick dinner and we went seletar's dam in HX's car. it was a good place to pour our secrets to each other. the wind was chilling but i enjoyed my catching up with her. i feel absolutely happier and with a more relaxed mind after.
yes ... and we talked once more ... about xin .. yes .... it's stupid .. it's foolish ... haa! i know ... and we sort of compared my treatment, my feelings between demon and xin. haa! totally different. seriously .. if i am with xin still, it would not be a good thing i guess. i will simply give in too much! despite his acts .. i can choose to forgive and forget ... but is he possible? i doubt so .. pride afterall can means so much to man... humans are also selfish creatures... they would choose to remember somethings and choose to forget some ...
well... in the end ... i smsed him belated birthday wishes. it's stupid. i remembered the day; yet i just refused to do anything and decided to wish him here... but .. in the end .. i still sms him ... LOL ... GILA! yes... Wee would say i am gila.. haha ... but he's too busy to know what have i been doing ... well...subsequently a few sms followed and ended abruptly... i do not know why .. but .. nvm .. .perhaps it's good afterall...
aniwae, i need to accept wat HX told me ... men like xin .. would probably never have thought that wat they do will give me wrong hopes. thus .. whatever he do till today or said or whatsoever .. i shall not think deeply more into that... though .. many times i fail ... just gotta rem and rem ... he's a passerby .. and it will never be the same again ..
Sometimes... i am glad ... Xin is a changed person now. he completed his studies ... his career looks prospective... his relationship seems stable... yes.. i stalked him both fb and friendster .. his life seems so much better and i feel happy for him... hx claims i am being very drama... i rally feel happy ... but ... i felt sad cuz .. in his happy life now .. i am not the person beside.. serious... oh well... like wat i told her ... for someone perhaps you really love .. you will just feel so tis way ..
yes... i am stupid enough .. i am gila enough ... i am stubborn enough ... i am sentimental enough ... i am irrational enough ... i am simple enough ... simple enough to be stupid enough...
*gone crazy once more*
my eyes were really blind to e core when i was with demon. he is really a demon .. been haunting me even until today. my name is tarnish becuz of my relationship with him. well.. i got no one to blame other than myself. e choice was mine despite i didnt really love him so much. i tot it was a good move as i could move on my life rather than lingering in the old memories of xin. but i was wrong. xin still holds a place in my heart regardless.. that's crazy. demon was much older than me and more stable than me. he taught me some life aspects, but .. he's really too different from me. we hold different viewpoints. thus quarrels and quarrels. e number of quarrels seem uncountable. a stubborn taurus like me would quarrel to the end. even i am wrong...well... i guess he was never meant to be with me... i never really gave in. i could give him up. and it was totally so different from the end with xin.
i was holding back my tears when mum commented that xin and i were not fated to be. yes indeed. not fated. if nothing had happen ... what would have happen? would he change? would i change ? would we still be together? well.. no one predicts the future.
was at seletar dam yesterday. a quick dinner and we went seletar's dam in HX's car. it was a good place to pour our secrets to each other. the wind was chilling but i enjoyed my catching up with her. i feel absolutely happier and with a more relaxed mind after.
yes ... and we talked once more ... about xin .. yes .... it's stupid .. it's foolish ... haa! i know ... and we sort of compared my treatment, my feelings between demon and xin. haa! totally different. seriously .. if i am with xin still, it would not be a good thing i guess. i will simply give in too much! despite his acts .. i can choose to forgive and forget ... but is he possible? i doubt so .. pride afterall can means so much to man... humans are also selfish creatures... they would choose to remember somethings and choose to forget some ...
well... in the end ... i smsed him belated birthday wishes. it's stupid. i remembered the day; yet i just refused to do anything and decided to wish him here... but .. in the end .. i still sms him ... LOL ... GILA! yes... Wee would say i am gila.. haha ... but he's too busy to know what have i been doing ... well...subsequently a few sms followed and ended abruptly... i do not know why .. but .. nvm .. .perhaps it's good afterall...
aniwae, i need to accept wat HX told me ... men like xin .. would probably never have thought that wat they do will give me wrong hopes. thus .. whatever he do till today or said or whatsoever .. i shall not think deeply more into that... though .. many times i fail ... just gotta rem and rem ... he's a passerby .. and it will never be the same again ..
Sometimes... i am glad ... Xin is a changed person now. he completed his studies ... his career looks prospective... his relationship seems stable... yes.. i stalked him both fb and friendster .. his life seems so much better and i feel happy for him... hx claims i am being very drama... i rally feel happy ... but ... i felt sad cuz .. in his happy life now .. i am not the person beside.. serious... oh well... like wat i told her ... for someone perhaps you really love .. you will just feel so tis way ..
yes... i am stupid enough .. i am gila enough ... i am stubborn enough ... i am sentimental enough ... i am irrational enough ... i am simple enough ... simple enough to be stupid enough...
*gone crazy once more*
Friday, February 20, 2009
HiDDen Wishes
lol~~~
It's Xin's birthday today ... I was still comtemplating whether to sms him or FB him birthday wishes.... well... i decide to keep my wishes here... since tis blog is not a known to him ....
well... just gotta stop contacting him for my stupid reasons... though i wish we can just be like friends... but i guess from past experiences and friends' experiences ... i guess it's better not to keep in contact with your ex-bfs unless BOTH parties have moved on ...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY Xin-Zai~~~
LOL ...
May All ya wishes come true~~
*god ... i am funny today*
P/S : I added S* on FB
P/S 2: K* wrote to M* about my jealousy for him forgeting about me when he is now enjoying in japan... hoho....
P/S 3: I gonna meet my hubby later ~~~ K20 ... i am coming....
*gone crazy~~~ *
It's Xin's birthday today ... I was still comtemplating whether to sms him or FB him birthday wishes.... well... i decide to keep my wishes here... since tis blog is not a known to him ....
well... just gotta stop contacting him for my stupid reasons... though i wish we can just be like friends... but i guess from past experiences and friends' experiences ... i guess it's better not to keep in contact with your ex-bfs unless BOTH parties have moved on ...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY Xin-Zai~~~
LOL ...
May All ya wishes come true~~
*god ... i am funny today*
P/S : I added S* on FB
P/S 2: K* wrote to M* about my jealousy for him forgeting about me when he is now enjoying in japan... hoho....
P/S 3: I gonna meet my hubby later ~~~ K20 ... i am coming....
*gone crazy~~~ *
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
just my thoughts ...
“eh…you know how old are you already”
*pause*
“huh.. you need to think how old are you? “
I have seriously forgotten about my age when my sister made the comment. Somehow or rather, age seems to be remaining at 24 or 25. Though, many times I am said to have the mindset of a 10yr old kid. God…I am really getting old le! Argh!
Recently Y* has been posing a lot of her pics on FB. She seems to be like a different person. And from her pics, she seems to be like giving people wrong perceptions. The change is drastic. Both white angel and me agreed. She was never like that when we knew her. I really wonder … if it is due to her age? She is in her early thirties. Single still. Initially she always want people to see her as a simple, pure lady which I beg to differ. Now … wild, out going style… drastic change. I feel that she wants attention but … isn’t this getting a lot more wrong attention? Sometimes I wonder if I think too much, perhaps her old working environment was too conservative and boring. Now, a change of environment in an ang moh culture which truly brings out her character. Perhaps? I hope that the change is due to change in environment and not age. I am worried that I would behave like her in a few more years time. I hope not!
I have been talking to JJ* on Msn quite a lot recently too. Well we seems to be able to click at e same frequency. To me, he seems a happy go lucky guy who doesn’t seems to have a lot of problem or stress and would take on anything that comes by. But a happy go lucky guy also has his problems. Haa. Well… I envy him (simple mindset) …. I envy his gf too. He seems to be a “gf boy”. Yes… I think he is… I am amazed with them also. They knew each other more than 2 decades ok! Well…perhaps that is really “meant to be for each other” after a big round, they got together. Hereby, I wish them happiness. They will be I guess. =)
Was on e phone for a while with D* ytd. I dun know if he’s still doing his own script writing. He claims that he and F* are still e same. Occasional quarrels and fights. If they are still together, I guess… they also meant for each other? So many things have happen and fights and all… love and hated each other. Yet … still together. Haha. Funny.
Finally met up w k* last week. Simple dinner and drinks along along clarke quay. Finally passed her e gifts… haha… they were in my drawer for so long. And we touched on the topic of r/s again we seems so much the same. Haha. She thinks that she has met the right one but too bad .... W* was the right one for her. But just fate that they have to end this. As for me, she also thinks that Xin was the only one that I could really love till date. Haha. I think so too actually. I guess he’s still e only one. Just sitting beside him, watching him, see his kiddish acts … just giving in…
Was still contemplating whether to ask him out to thrash things out. It’s funny. After several years still, I wanna thrash things out. F* telling right in the face that I have suffered so much and in the end I deserve such an ending. Not that I would want to be with him. I just feel that i need to let him know what have i done. alot of things done is not explained. hidden here and there... Why … why does women like me always chose to be quiet? Many knew that I have done a lot of him. Many also knew that we would never be together again. Yet … AT TIMES … I wish that we could be together again. But I know, it will be totally illogical and unacceptable. Well… just think wont die. LOL. K* still say if in the end we end up together, we are just like a fairytale with a sweet ending. Lol
F* Mei~~ if you are reading… dun worry… not that I still love him … just that I have not met anyone just yet… not that I do not want to move on … but somehow… the feeling is just still there… I am not waiting for him…
*pause*
“huh.. you need to think how old are you? “
I have seriously forgotten about my age when my sister made the comment. Somehow or rather, age seems to be remaining at 24 or 25. Though, many times I am said to have the mindset of a 10yr old kid. God…I am really getting old le! Argh!
Recently Y* has been posing a lot of her pics on FB. She seems to be like a different person. And from her pics, she seems to be like giving people wrong perceptions. The change is drastic. Both white angel and me agreed. She was never like that when we knew her. I really wonder … if it is due to her age? She is in her early thirties. Single still. Initially she always want people to see her as a simple, pure lady which I beg to differ. Now … wild, out going style… drastic change. I feel that she wants attention but … isn’t this getting a lot more wrong attention? Sometimes I wonder if I think too much, perhaps her old working environment was too conservative and boring. Now, a change of environment in an ang moh culture which truly brings out her character. Perhaps? I hope that the change is due to change in environment and not age. I am worried that I would behave like her in a few more years time. I hope not!
I have been talking to JJ* on Msn quite a lot recently too. Well we seems to be able to click at e same frequency. To me, he seems a happy go lucky guy who doesn’t seems to have a lot of problem or stress and would take on anything that comes by. But a happy go lucky guy also has his problems. Haa. Well… I envy him (simple mindset) …. I envy his gf too. He seems to be a “gf boy”. Yes… I think he is… I am amazed with them also. They knew each other more than 2 decades ok! Well…perhaps that is really “meant to be for each other” after a big round, they got together. Hereby, I wish them happiness. They will be I guess. =)
Was on e phone for a while with D* ytd. I dun know if he’s still doing his own script writing. He claims that he and F* are still e same. Occasional quarrels and fights. If they are still together, I guess… they also meant for each other? So many things have happen and fights and all… love and hated each other. Yet … still together. Haha. Funny.
Finally met up w k* last week. Simple dinner and drinks along along clarke quay. Finally passed her e gifts… haha… they were in my drawer for so long. And we touched on the topic of r/s again we seems so much the same. Haha. She thinks that she has met the right one but too bad .... W* was the right one for her. But just fate that they have to end this. As for me, she also thinks that Xin was the only one that I could really love till date. Haha. I think so too actually. I guess he’s still e only one. Just sitting beside him, watching him, see his kiddish acts … just giving in…
Was still contemplating whether to ask him out to thrash things out. It’s funny. After several years still, I wanna thrash things out. F* telling right in the face that I have suffered so much and in the end I deserve such an ending. Not that I would want to be with him. I just feel that i need to let him know what have i done. alot of things done is not explained. hidden here and there... Why … why does women like me always chose to be quiet? Many knew that I have done a lot of him. Many also knew that we would never be together again. Yet … AT TIMES … I wish that we could be together again. But I know, it will be totally illogical and unacceptable. Well… just think wont die. LOL. K* still say if in the end we end up together, we are just like a fairytale with a sweet ending. Lol
F* Mei~~ if you are reading… dun worry… not that I still love him … just that I have not met anyone just yet… not that I do not want to move on … but somehow… the feeling is just still there… I am not waiting for him…
Sunday, February 15, 2009
just another update~~~
It’s has been a while since I last blog…. Work has been getting busier … there’s still time for occasional surfing of the net … hehe… well, a lot of project has been loaded on me and I wonder why … the scope’s the same… well… recession has affected world wide… it’s bad timing for a switch of career. Well, it’s not really bad working here … but …. Oh well…. My wish still holds …
Chinese New Year is gone with just a mere blink of the eye….LOL nothing much. A usual season to collect red packets and gambling. Plus continuous dinner! Really… I ate so much during this season. Good food. Satisfaction.
Then followed by Valentine’s day ? haha… I do not have a valentine though I hope I do have one ? LOL. Well I’m lucky still! A bunch of close friends to celebrate valentine’s with.
K* also plans to go HK in may and she ask me to go along… hmm… I really feel like going…. But … but …. Well… just keep my fingers crossed still… I do not know what would happen next….
Chinese New Year is gone with just a mere blink of the eye….LOL nothing much. A usual season to collect red packets and gambling. Plus continuous dinner! Really… I ate so much during this season. Good food. Satisfaction.
Then followed by Valentine’s day ? haha… I do not have a valentine though I hope I do have one ? LOL. Well I’m lucky still! A bunch of close friends to celebrate valentine’s with.
K* also plans to go HK in may and she ask me to go along… hmm… I really feel like going…. But … but …. Well… just keep my fingers crossed still… I do not know what would happen next….
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