Random

october was a super tough month for me. suffocating to the max. glad it's over but the problem's still there... but i really hope my problem will be resolve one day and i would not be haunted by such things again!

40 days left for 2011. time really passes by so quickly ever since i left school. it passes by so much so until my life is so routine until i really quite loss about the kind of life i am leading.

i realize that my mood fluctuates easily. Every month, there will be a period of super peh chekness coming from me. I lose my patience, temper so easily until i think i am nuts. serious.

anyway, A* came to Singapore again last month. nothing much of his agenda probably he misses Asia too much. he's like more excited to see me this time and more warmth. me instead wasn't that excited then. been too busy with events at work plus my free lance. but i guess i grew tired of the distance thingy and plus i dont like a not clear situation thus became tired. And.. probably he's coming back to SG in Jan again. hmm... i dont know what he want and i guess i probably should not think too much about things. need to learn not to be serious over alot of things. but it's not easy. probably been hurt too much and now i think i cant joke much about things.

work frustrations happen almost everyday! seriously. it's getting very bad. and i have been bitching with J* alot her and others. we are just too gam and if it's not for her, i think i would have left. She has the same sentiments. i am so likeable~~ haha well.. it's really difficult to find a perfect job, earn enough, nice colleagues, good opportunities, good location. i have always tell myself i do not have the luck of getting something that i like but i do get something's pretty good for me. am i asking too much?

nevertheless.. hope my free lance is good for me and i can achieve what i want in life. my mentor's pretty nice and i think he's pretty nice. he can be very irritating but he's a smart guy and pretty serious. well. i think i am quite blessed to have people around me who actually are quite nice to me. i am grateful for all these and i believe more good would come.

i need to get over all the unhappy things that has been haunting me for very long or hoping miracles would happen. things that deserve to change would be miracles. things that deserve to be forgotten shall be gladly washed away.

i shall end my post with these words written in front of my pc reminding me to be hang on~

"Whatever with the past has gone. The best is always yet to come. "

i hope my best will come soon.  

Feeling Smurfy...

Caught the movie smurfs and really enjoy the show.. And pick up the slang adding smurf in sentences cuz this word can mean alot of things. So in fact, I don't need to say how I really feel. Sounds stupid? But I think quite cute and sometimes as I am so complex.. Maybe I do not know the best word to describe how I feel... I feeling Smurfy... Recently been very stress at work.. Alot of deadlines to meet.. My work is really making me physically and mentally bushed out... So much so until I really can collapse.. :( Apart from work.. I really feel very moody... I guess I really have personality problem.. I can't cope and I think it's very bad.. Though I love myself and how I think, how I behAve, how I feel about things.. I think I am really terrible. I know I need to be positive and I think I did change but I am too emotional.. I am so complex and confuse that I can just break down and cry. I guess I am tired.. No matter how strong and how independent, how simple I can be.. I just feel upset at times.. I don't feel lonely.. But I am really alone.. That's it.. I dunno wtf this is abt.. Damn... And xin.. Why are you appearing so frequently in my dreams recently? Wtf.. Haiz.. I think I quarrel with my motivation. And I am pretty affected.. Ok.. That's it.. Gd.. Very gd... Night..

~Housewife for 3 days~

i am bushed ..

already so tired just after cleaning up the living room, study room and kitchen.. plus preparing meals for 3 days consecutive... hoho...

well.. took leave for 2 days for the setting up of the open-net thingy at my house .. in the end, it was done a day before thus i can rest for my leave. parents went of of town leaving the 2 little ones for me. they are pretty big but i need them to be my guinea pigs.. haha

anyways, had a good meal with m close friend and i went exploring myself. tried out udders ice-cream finally. heard from biaoge that its nice. bought his recommendation - Earl Grey. hmm.. strong earl grey taste but frankly the ice-cream is just quite normal? well, been quite into sweet stuffs recently. thats worrying for my diet. haha
Earl Grey
i roamed around fairprice for abt 2 hours like a typical housewife planning my ingredients for the next few days. wanna test out my pots and pans.. haha.. thus whipped up healthy citrus grilled chicken without oil, tomato based pasta, apple pan cakes, fried rice and agar agar!
Citrus Grilled Chicken Tomato Prawn Pasta
hmm... the citrus chicken was quite a success, but the pan cakes and rice was not to my expectation. :(

nevertheless.. i will work harder! haha ... realize my company's products are really good.. certainly value for money at such a pricey item. :)

had a simple girls night out picnic under the moon yesterday! it was quite fun. we drove to yishun dam and stayed there had our drinks, grilled sausage (without oil again! :P), my pancakes plus chimney~ :P beside us was this Ah beng group.. Thanks to them, we had music for at least for a good couple of hours. they played a wide range of songs and of course ah beng songs plus super sentimental sad music. but it's quite nice :)

a fruitful break this time around. though i really wanted to club yesterday. too stressed and upset :P

I will jiayou! :) Gonna Watch Smurfs!

25 minutes

the time is 4.22am ... i have not fall asleep yet.. haa... while waiting for my hair to dry, perhaps it's time to write another entry of blog to update my life so as not to forget certain stuffs.. The entry - "25minutes" .. As i am writing my entry, this song was playing on Class95. one of my favourite songs and yet another sad song. haa :P

i am really getting very bad memory.. regardless how many tomatoes i eat these days :( they dont seem to help. Anyway, just some stuffs. but surprisingly, some encounters in life, when there's a wish to forget them, they just remain in your minds for years even little stuffs..this is pretty amazing.

time really flies when you start working. time never seems enough for me as i always feel that i didnt achieve anything much. i am simply to lazy to move out of the well that holds me inside? anyway, my dad ask my mum to ask me if it's worthwhile to work in my current company. the saturdays that i burn plus the nights that i worked late.. are these worth? frankly, i enjoy doing my work and i didnt think that these occasional lateness and saturdays being burnt is alot.. but parents being parents.. hmm... or perhaps they just feel i do not earn enough? is it just the $$? money money money ... money do evils ... really ...oh yes... when i was packing my stuffs few weeks ago, i was reading some letters from Xin back... he actually use one of that reason that says he could not sustain both of us since we were studying. Sounds like i am spending his money eh? J* quoted that it's not my fault and instead he is just not capable thats why. Really, i didnt really think that he's not capable. we were students then. i do not think i am finding an excuse for him. he's doing so well now that sometimes i do think that money was one of the reasons that is the factor. of course, my closest friends know the many reasons behind that painful breakup but of course money didnt initiate the end of the relationship.. ANYWAY, I will be super loaded .. haha ... i must believe that in order for it to happen...haha

at work .. i will be working with an ex artiste pretty closely. haha.. i am quite excited about it. he doesnt put on airs, modest, sincere .. hope our relationship at work will be good :)

oh ya .. i have a book that i wrote my short term and long terms goals for my life. Thanks to k*. hmm... he's really someone so full of positive energy that i finds it quite amazing. i am so so so pessimistic when i find myself compared to him. well... i really do not know him that well enough as i find him so hard to know him but nevertheless i feel grateful that i know him and really appreciate the motivations he gave me. frankly, i think he doesnt feel that what he did was that lot but to me they really did. in times when one is feeling down, some words just matter alot. and usually at times like this, i feel so alone without my friends. friends whom i think they were simply arent there by my side. how sad is this. oh well..

H* is so so funny. She envies me for being so naive. haha... she actually says that. but she did say that being me too naive and trusting can be rather dangerous. ask me to watch out. the envy part is because people will try to protect me ... hmm.... do they ? i have gone through couple of encounters that i was betrayed by friends. Are there any guardian angels then? haha .. i do not know. i am just so ... stupid? probably needs to fall many times to learn.. haha regardless ... i believe that there are guardian angels beside me and i am lucky enough .. hope so ..

there are just so so many things i wanna do ...there are so many good movies coming up and i wanna watch ... been hearing about henderson walk or what hortspark so many times.. i wanna go have a walk breathe in some fresh air .. no one wanna go with me .. :( and when i caught the ballet under the stars last month, we had a mini picnic that make me wanna go picnic again! the picture of the couple beside me that day just keep coming back. it was so sweet. i find it a relaxing thing to do but of course it's the preparation that is a headache to many. thus my friends are not keen. :( i wanna travel.. yes... perhaps a short family trip this year before my bro gets enlisted.. next year is to korea with the girls. i shall make this come true. wrote this in my little red book and it's beside my bed.. haha ..

oh ya .. i wanna go k... wanna practise my vocals... haha...

anyway ... i think ... the most important thing now is .... go sleep ... haha ... it's already 5am ... my hair's not dry yet! haha

gonna pen off ... need to fb abit ... play games abit ... daze abit ... think abt stuffs abit....

Jiayou everyone ... including myself :)

~Sometimes it lasts in love. But sometimes it hurts instead~

i have always like sentimental songs.. especially sad love songs.. that's me. love the saddest lyrics and always felt the lyrics meant something to me and sometimes i feel the i am in the situation... haha. :p

now recommending my all time favourite now ..

"Someone Like You"

I heard
That you're settled down
That you
Found a girl
And you're
Married now

I heard
That your dreams came true.
Guess she gave you things
I didn't give to you

Old friend
Why are you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold back
Or hide from the light

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over

Never mind
I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
"Don't forget me," I begged
"I'll remember," you said
"Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead."
Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead,
Yeah.

You know how the time flies
Only yesterday
It was the time of our lives
We were born and raised
In a summer haze
Bound by the surprise
Of our glory days

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over.

Never mind
I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
"Don't forget me," I begged
"I'll remember," you said
"Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead."

Nothing compares
No worries or cares
Regrets and mistakes
They are memories made.
Who would have known
How bittersweet this would taste?

Never mind
I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
"Don't forget me," I begged
"I'll remember," you said
"Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead"

Never mind
I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
"Don't forget me," I begged
"I'll remember," you said
"Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead"

Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead

Avril Lavigne - Wish You Were Here

I can be tough
I can be strong
But with you, It's not like that at all

Theres a girl who gives a shit
Behind this wall
You just walk through it

And I remember all those crazy thing you said
You left them running through my head
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here

All those crazy things we did
Didn't think about it just went with it
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here

[chorus]
Damn, Damn, Damn,
What I'd do to have you
Here, Here, Here
I wish you were here

Damn, Damn, Damn,
What I'd do to have you
Near, Near, Near
I wish you were here.

I love the way you are
It's who I am don't have to try hard
We always say, Say like it is
And the truth is that I really miss

All those crazy thing you said
You left them running through my head
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here

All those crazy things we did
Didn't think about it just went with it
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here

[chorus]
Damn, Damn, Damn,
What I'd do to have you
Here, Here, Here
I wish you were here

Damn, Damn, Damn,
What I'd do to have you
Near, Near, Near
I wish you were here.

[bridge]
No, I don't wanna let go
I just wanna let you know
That I never wanna let go
Let go, Oh, Oh,

No, I don't wanna let go
I just wanna let you know
That I never wanna let go
Let go, Let go, Let go...

[chorus]
Damn, Damn, Damn,
What I'd do to have you
Here, Here, Here
I wish you were here

Damn, Damn, Damn,
What I'd do to have you
Near, Near, Near
I wish you were here.

~30th May 2011 Blog Entry~

what a boring title... haha

Falls in love easily and hurts too much

I deemed myself as someone who fits this phrase totally. my friends say I fall in love too easily with anyone but I guess the chemistry is important. Is it just me feeling lonely or is it just the worries of being left on the shelf as I see many of my friends getting married? Frankly, not all married couples are happy from what I see and perhaps being alone is really much happier. However, I really love the thought of having my own family and with my own kids. Though upbringing is really very important and standard of living in Singapore has gone too high and I do not wish to have kids and make them suffer. Aside from the thoughts of having family of my own, I really want to share my life with my partner just like fairytale .. however happily ever after seldom exists. Though I knew that many a times, yet many times I just love to hurt myself when I falls in love too easily. And many times when I am thinking of relationship, Xin will appear. I will ask is that really love or because I cant find somebody? There is no exact answer and I will feel moody after awhile. This is stupid.

“Self-inflicted misery smirks under its crown of thorns.” I should have known better.

Time flies with nothing much accomplished

6 months have gone in a blink and nothing much has been achieved.

I am in caught in the stupid life cycle of born > study > work > work > and work. I think that’s really disappointing and I am always in this tiny dot here. Argh. But I got no one to blame other than myself to blame. I choose this myself. My greatest wish … get over and done with my this year and plan some travelling next year. Of today, I have another 6 more months to go. Meanwhile, get myself busy still. Work on my wish, do some exercises, do more reading to widen my tiny horizons and boost my career.

Nevertheless, I am happy here at my point of life now. Occasional blows wont get me upset for too long. That’s pretty good enough for now. To be simple and naïve is good at times .. I thought I was smart… smart for the wrong reasons? But I need to learn to protect myself. Really. Too trusting has always cause me deal of trouble. I need to learn from it.

~USS Experience - 19th March~

really enjoy my saturday with my friends at USS. A special thanks to P* who arranged this trip. :)

I fell sick on thursday. caught a flu and migraine attack on the same day itself. was so worried that i might not be able to make it. i be my own doctor and took alot of medicine hoping that i will recover soon. then i couldnt sleep on friday night and gotta wake up early on sat. fortunately, i didnt felt that bad when i woke up so off i go ...

my friends were quite surprised to see me early that day.. LOLX... anyway the first ride we took once we reached USS was the Cylon... so called the most scary ride... i didnt dare to take the ride .. they just keep asking me try dun waste the money .. so finally i took the plunge .... OMG ... my legs were like jelly after the ride.. SERIOUSLY ... the ride was very scary and i just keep screaming throughout the whole thing... eyes closed for almost the whole ride... but i am quite glad i did take the ride afterall.... however, probably becuz of the bread that i took abt an hour before the ride.. my gastric start stirring ... really felt very terrible after the ride.. my face became pale and i couldnt move ... so took my medicine immediately ... luckily half an hour later, i was alright and continued my beautiful saturday.

took the other rides ... but it was quite unlucky cuz it was raining ... lucky for us, the major rides were taken .. but gotta find shelter to hide now and then ... and i didnt took alot of pics... love the buildings structure ... enjoy the shows and food ... it was truly a fun day with my friends and their relatives ... haha .. my 2 friends brought their parents along, and one brought her cousins, niece and nephews...

hereby i post some of the pics ... pictures tells a thousand words ... i am truly happy on this day ... really screamed my lungs out ... a good reliever of my stress and unhappiness :) I am thinking of a picnic next... haha .. wonder when will it happen .. :P

2011 - 1st Post

hi my friends!!!! I haven been updating my blog.. haha.. well ... getting more lazy ... but i guess i will try to maintain it as long as could .. I think its a nice way to rem some of the incidents in life that i am experiencing... plus my stress/unhappiness reliever .. LOLX

anyway, still nothing much to update.. life goes on with my usual work .. plus meetups with friends.. one of my friend claim that i have no personal space ... cuz my life revolves around work only. Plus, even with my friends, i am leading a boring life... hmm... is that really boring ?

seriously.. i trying to save hard. i wanna travel... hope to go somewhere this year at least. that's my biggest wish for now...

been rather moody recently for some reasons ... anyway, i am glad i have support from my family, Mr Wee, my close friends... I will survive ... i hope ... JIAYOU!!!

P/S : my heart goes out to those affected by the earthquake at Japan last week... this is indeed very devastating and horrified ... really hope people on earth can have peace ...

I will try to update my blogs more often ... i wanna make it more alive... instead of just hiding away ... haha... :P