yesterday was a horrible day for me... i do not know why...but i just feel very horrible inside...i feeling like ending my life...it is so horrible...well...i am like living for people..leading a life for people...
but what kind of life i want? ... do i know?
maybe it's me...just myself...i am just simply like to give myself too much pressure...hey, ya just a human being ok? ya not saint ok ? dun try to be saint...no one appreciates...sometimes, i always said these to myself..i feel myself doing too much for others...really kinda silly...do i deserve all these? haiz~~ i am really stressed up with life...
i am always so bubbly to others...but..really..i haven been really happy for a long long time...haiz~~
well, nvm....lucky i cried alot last night...really cried so much til my eyes were so swollen..but the crying thing really make me so much better....
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
Sunday, January 09, 2005
Pre-WorkinG Sydrome
well...well...well....i have been working all this while.....since 19......but i dunno why....after i signed the letter of appointment of the full time job...i dun feel like working....kinda sick...and blamed myself for signing....whats up with me?
well, perhaps, all these while, i am working on a part time basis...no stress...not much responsibility...but now, i have to bear responsibility for the job...have to take precaution of my speech...be careful not to divulge company's operations etc....god....must be really careful....well, i do sound serious cuz my job is like a personal assistant to my boss...i am in charge of his almost everything....i will have access to alot of company's stuffs.....hmm....seems to have a lot of responsibility..but pay not very satisfying ley....haha....probably, if the pay was higher, i may not have the pre-working sydrome afterall....well, the HR promise to review my pay after three mths...just hope she do what she say......otherwise, i wonder if i would ever stay long in the company....
hmm...wish me luck ba......i hope i won't be bored in this manufacturing firm...and hope....i have great propects in it.......:)
well, perhaps, all these while, i am working on a part time basis...no stress...not much responsibility...but now, i have to bear responsibility for the job...have to take precaution of my speech...be careful not to divulge company's operations etc....god....must be really careful....well, i do sound serious cuz my job is like a personal assistant to my boss...i am in charge of his almost everything....i will have access to alot of company's stuffs.....hmm....seems to have a lot of responsibility..but pay not very satisfying ley....haha....probably, if the pay was higher, i may not have the pre-working sydrome afterall....well, the HR promise to review my pay after three mths...just hope she do what she say......otherwise, i wonder if i would ever stay long in the company....
hmm...wish me luck ba......i hope i won't be bored in this manufacturing firm...and hope....i have great propects in it.......:)
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
WhaTs WronG witH me?!?
i saw my nightmare a few days ago....however..i still upset over the acquaintance....i dunno whats wrong with me. i admit this time round, i was more calm than the previous time that i saw him. but...i really can't push him out of my mind. why...i dunno why also...what that has happen is already over. why do i seems so lost.....argh...i hope i won't see him again...yet i wanna see him....confuse...well...women are complicated creatures...i admit i can understand people very well....but i dun understand myself....what do i want ? him? no...i know who i want to be with right now....my complicated xin....but why am i behaving like that...dun tell me i love him...nah....i dun...attractions probably...physical appearance? haa...i dunno....what abt me? where do i stand? no where...he doesn't care abt me at all..so why shld i bother..fuck him...anyway...i am simply too bored...thats why u came into the picture..i know who i want in life..but i wonder if u know who u want...you just love urself too much..
hmm...i dunno what am i writing.....i am loss.....xin.....forgive me....
hmm...i dunno what am i writing.....i am loss.....xin.....forgive me....
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
Start oF 2005~~
for a start of the new 2005, i should be quite happy cuz i met my special someone today. we had a great chat and i hope things will continue to be like this....well...keep my fingers crossed...
but however things are so ironic....i met my nightmare on the roads today also. we walked past each other. i saw him last month and i saw him again. well...singapore is really simply too small. i can't avoid him i guess...well...dunno what to say....
2004 ended with alot of bloodshed....the tsunami killed so many people. if only i know medical stuffs, i would gg and help out. but i am a useless gal who is so afraid of blood...and so blur at times. would make things worse only i guess..so i can only help by donating clothes and money. i really feel so sad for them...i cried while watching the news..especially scenes of the corpses..and when i saw the mums screaming at their dead kids, i could not figure what they were screaming..but from the tone, i know....the words hurt...i just hope everything will be better by the day...
hope nothing like this happens again....the number of deaths is too shocking....
well.....and i....found a full time job..finally....pay is not cfm yet..but the range of the salary is quite standard..so i just hope that the pple and environment will be interesting. i hope my job won't be boring...hee...so bless me kay ?
and sucks....work starts at 8....
early....i wonder how many times i would be late :P
thats all i guess....
take care everyone....
i like everyone....
cheers~~~
but however things are so ironic....i met my nightmare on the roads today also. we walked past each other. i saw him last month and i saw him again. well...singapore is really simply too small. i can't avoid him i guess...well...dunno what to say....
2004 ended with alot of bloodshed....the tsunami killed so many people. if only i know medical stuffs, i would gg and help out. but i am a useless gal who is so afraid of blood...and so blur at times. would make things worse only i guess..so i can only help by donating clothes and money. i really feel so sad for them...i cried while watching the news..especially scenes of the corpses..and when i saw the mums screaming at their dead kids, i could not figure what they were screaming..but from the tone, i know....the words hurt...i just hope everything will be better by the day...
hope nothing like this happens again....the number of deaths is too shocking....
well.....and i....found a full time job..finally....pay is not cfm yet..but the range of the salary is quite standard..so i just hope that the pple and environment will be interesting. i hope my job won't be boring...hee...so bless me kay ?
and sucks....work starts at 8....
early....i wonder how many times i would be late :P
thats all i guess....
take care everyone....
i like everyone....
cheers~~~
Saturday, January 01, 2005
2005!! ResolutionS?!?
ho ho ho ...
christmas is over!! 2005 has come~~~
hmm....a new year..so people, got any resolutions?
me....never really think....let me think....
eh..every year also relatively the same ba....but never really keep to my resolutions..eh...no good hor..cuz never really write down mah...ok...i shall write on my blog..hope i can keep them..
1. Do not Smoke...
i am not a regular smoker..but always bad habit..so this year must try to quit..:P
2. Drink LesSer...
well, quite addicted to drinking nowadays..so must cut down...healthy and save costs.. hee
3. Stop bumminG around and be committed to a full time job...
lazy la....still want my part time actually...but can be quite sian at times...so must train to settle down liao..
4. Stop blaminG myselF for past Mistakes ...
well...i can't stop blaming myself for things i have stupidly done. keep lookinG back and can't face reality..hope i be able to face e music..
5. Settle my relationship with Xin...
Ours is a complicated relationship..ups and downs...hope i can settle it this year...it's torturing me...
6. Be Optimistic
i am a happy go lucky person actually. but i am very pessimistic over a lot of things. i think too much and thats why can't be really happy though i dun show it . i hope i can be optimistic and be a happier person than before. then i really cannot remove my crying face from my nick in msn (been there for long liao) :P
7. Pay off my debts..
get out of my poverty cycle this year and get richer by the day!!! my dream!i can do it!! :P
8. Spend more time with my family.
i admit i really dun spend enough time with my family. i will try to make more time with them
9. Spend more time with my school pals especially jc friends.
haven see them for very long....
10. Lose weight
every year, my resolution will include this..haha
well...so much ... alot more..but i dun wanna be so loh soh...
well, still..i wish everyone best of health, happiness and prosperity.
lastly, my deepest sympathy to the victims in the tsunami disaster.
christmas is over!! 2005 has come~~~
hmm....a new year..so people, got any resolutions?
me....never really think....let me think....
eh..every year also relatively the same ba....but never really keep to my resolutions..eh...no good hor..cuz never really write down mah...ok...i shall write on my blog..hope i can keep them..
1. Do not Smoke...
i am not a regular smoker..but always bad habit..so this year must try to quit..:P
2. Drink LesSer...
well, quite addicted to drinking nowadays..so must cut down...healthy and save costs.. hee
3. Stop bumminG around and be committed to a full time job...
lazy la....still want my part time actually...but can be quite sian at times...so must train to settle down liao..
4. Stop blaminG myselF for past Mistakes ...
well...i can't stop blaming myself for things i have stupidly done. keep lookinG back and can't face reality..hope i be able to face e music..
5. Settle my relationship with Xin...
Ours is a complicated relationship..ups and downs...hope i can settle it this year...it's torturing me...
6. Be Optimistic
i am a happy go lucky person actually. but i am very pessimistic over a lot of things. i think too much and thats why can't be really happy though i dun show it . i hope i can be optimistic and be a happier person than before. then i really cannot remove my crying face from my nick in msn (been there for long liao) :P
7. Pay off my debts..
get out of my poverty cycle this year and get richer by the day!!! my dream!i can do it!! :P
8. Spend more time with my family.
i admit i really dun spend enough time with my family. i will try to make more time with them
9. Spend more time with my school pals especially jc friends.
haven see them for very long....
10. Lose weight
every year, my resolution will include this..haha
well...so much ... alot more..but i dun wanna be so loh soh...
well, still..i wish everyone best of health, happiness and prosperity.
lastly, my deepest sympathy to the victims in the tsunami disaster.
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