just my thoughts ...

“eh…you know how old are you already”

*pause*

“huh.. you need to think how old are you? “

I have seriously forgotten about my age when my sister made the comment. Somehow or rather, age seems to be remaining at 24 or 25. Though, many times I am said to have the mindset of a 10yr old kid. God…I am really getting old le! Argh!

Recently Y* has been posing a lot of her pics on FB. She seems to be like a different person. And from her pics, she seems to be like giving people wrong perceptions. The change is drastic. Both white angel and me agreed. She was never like that when we knew her. I really wonder … if it is due to her age? She is in her early thirties. Single still. Initially she always want people to see her as a simple, pure lady which I beg to differ. Now … wild, out going style… drastic change. I feel that she wants attention but … isn’t this getting a lot more wrong attention? Sometimes I wonder if I think too much, perhaps her old working environment was too conservative and boring. Now, a change of environment in an ang moh culture which truly brings out her character. Perhaps? I hope that the change is due to change in environment and not age. I am worried that I would behave like her in a few more years time. I hope not!

I have been talking to JJ* on Msn quite a lot recently too. Well we seems to be able to click at e same frequency. To me, he seems a happy go lucky guy who doesn’t seems to have a lot of problem or stress and would take on anything that comes by. But a happy go lucky guy also has his problems. Haa. Well… I envy him (simple mindset) …. I envy his gf too. He seems to be a “gf boy”. Yes… I think he is… I am amazed with them also. They knew each other more than 2 decades ok! Well…perhaps that is really “meant to be for each other” after a big round, they got together. Hereby, I wish them happiness. They will be I guess. =)

Was on e phone for a while with D* ytd. I dun know if he’s still doing his own script writing. He claims that he and F* are still e same. Occasional quarrels and fights. If they are still together, I guess… they also meant for each other? So many things have happen and fights and all… love and hated each other. Yet … still together. Haha. Funny.

Finally met up w k* last week. Simple dinner and drinks along along clarke quay. Finally passed her e gifts… haha… they were in my drawer for so long. And we touched on the topic of r/s again we seems so much the same. Haha. She thinks that she has met the right one but too bad .... W* was the right one for her. But just fate that they have to end this. As for me, she also thinks that Xin was the only one that I could really love till date. Haha. I think so too actually. I guess he’s still e only one. Just sitting beside him, watching him, see his kiddish acts … just giving in…

Was still contemplating whether to ask him out to thrash things out. It’s funny. After several years still, I wanna thrash things out. F* telling right in the face that I have suffered so much and in the end I deserve such an ending. Not that I would want to be with him. I just feel that i need to let him know what have i done. alot of things done is not explained. hidden here and there... Why … why does women like me always chose to be quiet? Many knew that I have done a lot of him. Many also knew that we would never be together again. Yet … AT TIMES … I wish that we could be together again. But I know, it will be totally illogical and unacceptable. Well… just think wont die. LOL. K* still say if in the end we end up together, we are just like a fairytale with a sweet ending. Lol

F* Mei~~ if you are reading… dun worry… not that I still love him … just that I have not met anyone just yet… not that I do not want to move on … but somehow… the feeling is just still there… I am not waiting for him…