Continous story of Xin-zai

had lunch with mum and sis the other day. as usual, the same old topic haunting me...

my eyes were really blind to e core when i was with demon. he is really a demon .. been haunting me even until today. my name is tarnish becuz of my relationship with him. well.. i got no one to blame other than myself. e choice was mine despite i didnt really love him so much. i tot it was a good move as i could move on my life rather than lingering in the old memories of xin. but i was wrong. xin still holds a place in my heart regardless.. that's crazy. demon was much older than me and more stable than me. he taught me some life aspects, but .. he's really too different from me. we hold different viewpoints. thus quarrels and quarrels. e number of quarrels seem uncountable. a stubborn taurus like me would quarrel to the end. even i am wrong...well... i guess he was never meant to be with me... i never really gave in. i could give him up. and it was totally so different from the end with xin.

i was holding back my tears when mum commented that xin and i were not fated to be. yes indeed. not fated. if nothing had happen ... what would have happen? would he change? would i change ? would we still be together? well.. no one predicts the future.

was at seletar dam yesterday. a quick dinner and we went seletar's dam in HX's car. it was a good place to pour our secrets to each other. the wind was chilling but i enjoyed my catching up with her. i feel absolutely happier and with a more relaxed mind after.

yes ... and we talked once more ... about xin .. yes .... it's stupid .. it's foolish ... haa! i know ... and we sort of compared my treatment, my feelings between demon and xin. haa! totally different. seriously .. if i am with xin still, it would not be a good thing i guess. i will simply give in too much! despite his acts .. i can choose to forgive and forget ... but is he possible? i doubt so .. pride afterall can means so much to man... humans are also selfish creatures... they would choose to remember somethings and choose to forget some ...

well... in the end ... i smsed him belated birthday wishes. it's stupid. i remembered the day; yet i just refused to do anything and decided to wish him here... but .. in the end .. i still sms him ... LOL ... GILA! yes... Wee would say i am gila.. haha ... but he's too busy to know what have i been doing ... well...subsequently a few sms followed and ended abruptly... i do not know why .. but .. nvm .. .perhaps it's good afterall...

aniwae, i need to accept wat HX told me ... men like xin .. would probably never have thought that wat they do will give me wrong hopes. thus .. whatever he do till today or said or whatsoever .. i shall not think deeply more into that... though .. many times i fail ... just gotta rem and rem ... he's a passerby .. and it will never be the same again ..

Sometimes... i am glad ... Xin is a changed person now. he completed his studies ... his career looks prospective... his relationship seems stable... yes.. i stalked him both fb and friendster .. his life seems so much better and i feel happy for him... hx claims i am being very drama... i rally feel happy ... but ... i felt sad cuz .. in his happy life now .. i am not the person beside.. serious... oh well... like wat i told her ... for someone perhaps you really love .. you will just feel so tis way ..

yes... i am stupid enough .. i am gila enough ... i am stubborn enough ... i am sentimental enough ... i am irrational enough ... i am simple enough ... simple enough to be stupid enough...

*gone crazy once more*