Mental disorder

I have been feeling downright depressing these 2 weeks. Accumulative unhappiness I guess. For me, Monday is usually a whole new week for me. I was supposed to have a belated birthday celebration last Monday. It was cancelled due to a spark of quarrel between 2 of my buddies whom we have known each other for years. In the beginning, I was very patient, trying to sort out things between them. But things got out of hand, and I started to feel pissed. I was pissed, as I think that it was only a small thing after all. After that, I just escaped from them, ignoring their sms or email. I just wanna be alone, and I knew that I’ll be fine after cooling off. And I was looking forward to shopping with them on Thursday which was arranged before that. Who knows …I kena fly kite. Haiz … I was really disappointed and got irritated. First, I was looking forward to it and it was cancelled. And I actually apply my leave for that day. Thus, in the end, I have to cancel. Well, it was a “bo bian” situation as one of them’s grandma was in hospital. She has to take care of her. Well, it’s an unexpected scenario, and I have to forgive her. Well, I do. But, perhaps, it’s just me. Was looking so forward to a meetup together of shopping and lazing in the noon; but it was cancelled. I was terribly depressed after that. Argh …

Well, my depression does not come from this only … In fact I kena fly kite 3 times that week, and kinda got me pissed. I haven been in a good mood nowdays and I terribly lose my patience easily. Sorry. Haiz . And I wonder why … I suppose to meet Xin on Tuesday, and it was cancelled also. Well, 3 consecutive days of disappointment … argh .. just irritates me …

I guess … my patience got something to do with my not enough time and my family plus my no-challenge job. I always felt that my time is not enough to meet my friends, or even accompanying my family. I really do not understand why also. I cannot even finish my favourite dramas! Argh .. I feel useless. I feel like I not been trusted and not taken seriously. And I feel I been caged. Caged in a world where I have not much control!!!! I guess I only have myself to blame for all these … And I am suffering from this mental disorder on top of my financial problem. Haiz.

Thus, crying at night is unavoidable for me. And been crying for days. LOL… But, lucky enough…. I have not bite myself yet. A good sign.

Oh well, I need to escape sia … I need a break …