these days i am no longer a vase in the office. I cant do more manicure nor can i wear nice dresses or even heels to work. With duties like office today, i cant be a vase that i used to be ...
it has been 2 weeks at my new office. Instead of dealing with cooking oil back then, this time round.. cookwares are what my coy is doing now... i am moving closer closer to dream of a eatery related business! hahahaha.. Probably, the next time i will deal with direct raw materials like vegetables, fruits or chicken or fish ... haha ...
Anyway, i was almost to submitting my resignation letter last week. After 2 hours of product training, i was left with my colleague to learn the ropes from her. No directions no other instructions, i was cursing then.. yet another coy that has hidden problems? The most senior one is the director herself who has been with the coy for abt 8 yrs. the next senior is warehouse uncle who joined the coy 1.5yrs ago.. my other colleagues worked less than half a yr. thats abt it ..and i tot fengshui wasnt too gd when one of my colleague fell sick on my first day and she was mc for a week. The 2nd day of my work, my another colleague was hospitalised.. further to the drama that came, my promoter called in to resign his work. His wife also called in to say that she is thinking of resignation too. i joked then "fengshui no gd .. prob i shld move too?"
on top of all these fengshui things, there are other factors. my KC spider colleague plus the fact that i gonna burn my time with work with events now and then. oh yes.. plus money. It is definitely not a highly paid job that i have took up, and i also didnt understand why i didnt ask for more when i sign the appointment letter. i must be dreaming. :( well i blamed it for my admiration of the director for that. haha.
anyway, i gave up the thoughts of it when my other colleague came back. i was really testg my tolearances when there were already lotsa frustrations coming from KC spider and really couldnt tolerate her constant rattling plus fav phrases. she just keep harping and harping non-stop. And i lost my cool and quarrel with her... i couldnt stand it.. i did regret abit but i glad i could handle it more professionally in a way that i just let her rattle all the way when we were in the cab and i told her 2 hours later that everything is due to communication problem and we must not do it again. haha .. i actually did that. just when i think i will be dragging myself to work frm then onwards, had a causual chat with my director and other colleagues that i realize the problem is not me, it's her. she has been giving pple problems; and i tot it is due to my childishness then. i was so glad and relieved. plus in fact my director didnt appear so scary as wat she claimed after i had a talk with her then.
i decided to stay to further add colours to my resume. however, it's really kinda lotsa hardwork at work. alot of hands on stuffs. hands on doesnt mean just gettg my hands dirty .. i had to do price tagging, count stocks, shrink wrapping and i sweat in my warehouse. it's really tiring. though it's really not totally my job, due to shortage of manpower, i have to help out. and my kc spider stayed in the aircon office continue to busy with her work.
after a long day at work, i reflected again. why am i always like not smooth in my career? i am kinda upset seriously. and my friends.. we never hang out more like we used to do .. i just feel so upset. i know positive things follow positive energy.. but at times.. my positive attitude just drains off... well ... just hope my director will appreciate my work... haha ... as wat i mention during interview, hope our minds think alike... she's a smart lady.. i wished i can be like her.. she's smart and i really feel that she's rather successful. An Ex SIA girl to a director now, plus she can do everything including warehouse stuffs despite her position. .. not many pple do that .. but i am shocked that we had the same mindset when she try to motivate me few days ago. "work hard for the company just like if it belongs to you. " i always think it that way as well...nevertheless.. i feel normal once more for now and will continue to stay on and fight .. just hope my career will blossom~~~ =)
gotta pen off now ... tired ...
P/S: thanks for bring a fan of my blogger puppy crush~~ i didnt think there will be anyone who would read my blog anymore.. anyway, it's a gd way to blog my feelings... no one can hear my whiney these days... everyone is busy with his or her life ... different goals, different purposes in life... i just gotta hang on myself to be strong! haha
P/S again: HURRAY!!! no event tis weekend ... can have a good rest~~ next week will be a tough one for me .... oh well ...
bye~~~
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
Waddddddddddddddddda i wantttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt
went for 2 massages last week... really felt that i needed more as my shoulders are still so tight and one of the therapist said that my frequent headache could be due to my tight shoulders which causes blockage of enough oxygen to my head thus leading to headache. she sounded convincing enough but massage is a expensive activity.. oh well..
had a wonderful monday as i went for massage with bestie as her bdae gift. had ktv early in the morning before we head for the massage then follow by heavy buffet. it has been so so so long since i go out so so so early to enjoy myself. how i wish i could have done more last week before i start work ..
but nevertheless.. had a simple italian dinner with the pretty babes, met my friend for a quick dessert session, then accompany one of my friend to do shopping for her bbq. time just goes by so fast when ya enjoying ...
also spend wonderful time at home with my siblings. as i spend most of my time outside working and with my friends,i loved my time spend with my xiao di and xiao mei. though they were busy preparing for exams, i love to be around them .. hehe ... tease them awhile and i get back to watch my tv and pc ... hereby i wish they get good results .. i knew my brother is giving himself alot of pressure hope he will relax abit ~~ oh ya .. also had a late night to the airport with dad and mum plus sis and Wee.. 4am .. we were at T3 ... we went for supper at 2 to Redhill for Yong Tau Foo .. it was too full and we ended at T3 to walk abt ... but at T3, we rest for another coffee break.... and we still claimed to be very full... haha ..
just started my first day at work today ... i think i am not very used to the envt and so kinda upset ... but i guess i will adapt soon and hopefully it will be a good one that i hope to be .. i dun wish to job hope that much ... i wanna establish my career soon .. too many friends are doing so so much better than me ... seriously, i felt so useless... i really felt happy for my friends who can do so much better than me but i do feel myself so useless...
but ... i will survive... gonna be successful ... dun want people to look down on me cuz i know that there are pple out there who does that ..
well.. i will prove them wrong ... for pple who truly cares for me ... i really thank you so much ... your presence matters.... i wanna thank my parents also for their upbringing ... many times i felt they do not understand me or really treat me as a kid .. but really .. i am too naive... haha .... hope i will be smarter soon....
gonna zzz... kinda tired..... emotionally and physically ...
night!
P/S: i jogged!!! haha hopefully i will continue to do that for more... though i hated jogging... haha
had a wonderful monday as i went for massage with bestie as her bdae gift. had ktv early in the morning before we head for the massage then follow by heavy buffet. it has been so so so long since i go out so so so early to enjoy myself. how i wish i could have done more last week before i start work ..
but nevertheless.. had a simple italian dinner with the pretty babes, met my friend for a quick dessert session, then accompany one of my friend to do shopping for her bbq. time just goes by so fast when ya enjoying ...
also spend wonderful time at home with my siblings. as i spend most of my time outside working and with my friends,i loved my time spend with my xiao di and xiao mei. though they were busy preparing for exams, i love to be around them .. hehe ... tease them awhile and i get back to watch my tv and pc ... hereby i wish they get good results .. i knew my brother is giving himself alot of pressure hope he will relax abit ~~ oh ya .. also had a late night to the airport with dad and mum plus sis and Wee.. 4am .. we were at T3 ... we went for supper at 2 to Redhill for Yong Tau Foo .. it was too full and we ended at T3 to walk abt ... but at T3, we rest for another coffee break.... and we still claimed to be very full... haha ..
just started my first day at work today ... i think i am not very used to the envt and so kinda upset ... but i guess i will adapt soon and hopefully it will be a good one that i hope to be .. i dun wish to job hope that much ... i wanna establish my career soon .. too many friends are doing so so much better than me ... seriously, i felt so useless... i really felt happy for my friends who can do so much better than me but i do feel myself so useless...
but ... i will survive... gonna be successful ... dun want people to look down on me cuz i know that there are pple out there who does that ..
well.. i will prove them wrong ... for pple who truly cares for me ... i really thank you so much ... your presence matters.... i wanna thank my parents also for their upbringing ... many times i felt they do not understand me or really treat me as a kid .. but really .. i am too naive... haha .... hope i will be smarter soon....
gonna zzz... kinda tired..... emotionally and physically ...
night!
P/S: i jogged!!! haha hopefully i will continue to do that for more... though i hated jogging... haha
Thursday, October 07, 2010
I am Blissed Enough
had dinner with the girls on tuesday night and heard that there's voluntary work done overseas. was amazed and got me interested and i spend time surfing time for voluntary in sg and overseas. in fact before, i already had the tot of doing voluntary work especially with kids and youths. i love kids and i felt i could do something especially for delinquents or orphans ; but so far only think and no action ...
today was browsing the net and saw many organizations worldwide having voluntary programs and then i realize that there is so much things that i could and able to do. but i never tot of it before. especially teaching in schools. i felt i could and it would be great sense of satisfaction. but seriously, saying is easy. doing is tough. usually the living conditions is not good and i dun know if i am able to take it. imagine before i even try .. there are alot of people who do not have a choice but to cope with such conditions .. i am really blissed ... and i should be grateful ..
looking at the kids living conditions, sad stories behind .. i cried... i cant help but wanted to do something immediate if i could .. but i think i am not ready for doing voluntary work overseas ... i think i cant ... to the volunteers ... i seriously salute to them .. guys out there ... u guys are good!
in life, there are really many many things to do .. yet there are many pple out there who do not know wat can they do. nowadays, many like myself feels so empty and aimless .. many people doing comparison, being jealous, find faults with pple, always feel bored at home .. feel down, dream big and and just hope they will achieve it .. wat is e essence of life ....
anyway ... i think for now i hope i will settle well for my new job starting next monday. once my work starts and if it's fine, i am going to apply for voluntary work in singapore. i need to start somewhere. i am also planning to get a child sponsorship for a child. this is a commitment and i hope i can do it well thus hopefully i will be financially independent enough to accommodate this plan of mine in future.
yes i wanna travel for my hols. and i hope at the same time i can participate in the international voluntary project at least once in 3 yrs.
yes ... it's a random planning ... but i hope i can do this. though i know many times i failed my planning .. i really wish this time round i will be successful.
i am blissed enough ... i am grateful for it .. and i shall try my best to at least make another 1 person to be blissed afterall.
today was browsing the net and saw many organizations worldwide having voluntary programs and then i realize that there is so much things that i could and able to do. but i never tot of it before. especially teaching in schools. i felt i could and it would be great sense of satisfaction. but seriously, saying is easy. doing is tough. usually the living conditions is not good and i dun know if i am able to take it. imagine before i even try .. there are alot of people who do not have a choice but to cope with such conditions .. i am really blissed ... and i should be grateful ..
looking at the kids living conditions, sad stories behind .. i cried... i cant help but wanted to do something immediate if i could .. but i think i am not ready for doing voluntary work overseas ... i think i cant ... to the volunteers ... i seriously salute to them .. guys out there ... u guys are good!
in life, there are really many many things to do .. yet there are many pple out there who do not know wat can they do. nowadays, many like myself feels so empty and aimless .. many people doing comparison, being jealous, find faults with pple, always feel bored at home .. feel down, dream big and and just hope they will achieve it .. wat is e essence of life ....
anyway ... i think for now i hope i will settle well for my new job starting next monday. once my work starts and if it's fine, i am going to apply for voluntary work in singapore. i need to start somewhere. i am also planning to get a child sponsorship for a child. this is a commitment and i hope i can do it well thus hopefully i will be financially independent enough to accommodate this plan of mine in future.
yes i wanna travel for my hols. and i hope at the same time i can participate in the international voluntary project at least once in 3 yrs.
yes ... it's a random planning ... but i hope i can do this. though i know many times i failed my planning .. i really wish this time round i will be successful.
i am blissed enough ... i am grateful for it .. and i shall try my best to at least make another 1 person to be blissed afterall.
Monday, September 27, 2010
the Feel to Yak ~~
lazy to go out .. just wanna slack on my bed.. listening to my fav station this time at night .. log in to facebook, log in to ebuddy.. browsing awhile on profiles of friends, reading people's blog .. and i decide to do abit of blogging ... haa!
i am counting down to last 3 days of working! wohoo! this is the first time i am looking so forward to leaving my job. Seriously, in my past 2 jobs, i have always felt depressed when I am counting down to the time i am leaving the coy. But here.. likewise ... well.. i have nice colleagues, in fact i like the kind of job i am given, i like the kind of experience i am getting, i like the kind of opportunity i am given but .. i cannot the kind of mgt style that this company is having. well, in fact to come to think of it, the mgt is not totally is at fault, but the pple they employed is one of the primary factor as well.. but i guess i am not in a good or right position to comment further. i am going to leave in good terms and what is going to leave with me are the fun, laughter my colleagues brought me, my experience and guidance at work .. :) it's gonna be a whole new start soon~~~ wohoo~~ cross my fingers that it's gonna be something great, something that will hold me there for a couple of years, lots of advancement, lots of big bucks! ~~
well .. have a good break before my work and already has activities lined up .. Bdae Celebration with Bestie White Angel ~~ gonna have a good K session follow by a good massage plus good dinner! hoho .. plus planning high tea with primary school buddy, plus my pampering session with Amore, manicure and pedicure ~~ plus ... lunch sessions with my ex-colleagues ... hmm.. plus my plan of jogging every morning .... plus finish my Sex and the City ... plus do a bit of reading on Marketing ... i am thinking of rebonding my hair as well... hmm.... well... wonder if my short break can cater for all~~ haha ..
in fact i wanted and hope to go for a holiday.. but being broke i decide to stay Singapore .. and i wanted to walk around or even lie on beaches of Sentosa or go to Pasir Ris theme Park or go for photo taking at the Zoo ... haha .. but most of my friends are working ... who can accompany me ... oh yes .. i wanna go for a good drinking session~~ really need to chill chill out ... haha ...
well ... went to catch F1 live on TV ... wasnt such a fan but decide to join in the fun with my frendz ... Fernando Alonso won the match! really amazed .. this is a game that needs loads of persevere, concentration and focus! 3 Cheers for Alonso!
oh well ... nothing's exciting already .. beena HDB tai tai for months le ... lolX ...
i guess i need some sparks man .. life's really getting boring and pessimistic ... lolx ...
feelings of loneliness occasionally sets in ... many times i feel myself not good for anyone ... many times i regretted .. many times i missed the person i shouldnt missed .. many times i think i am useless... many times i wished that i could turn back time .. many times i wished ... i just wish .. well ... it's really impossible to look back or go back but to have a better future~~ oh well ...
gonna pen off le ... see ya ~~
P/S : didnt talk to puppy crush for a long time already .. didnt see him online ... never return my sms ... wonder how is he ...
i am counting down to last 3 days of working! wohoo! this is the first time i am looking so forward to leaving my job. Seriously, in my past 2 jobs, i have always felt depressed when I am counting down to the time i am leaving the coy. But here.. likewise ... well.. i have nice colleagues, in fact i like the kind of job i am given, i like the kind of experience i am getting, i like the kind of opportunity i am given but .. i cannot the kind of mgt style that this company is having. well, in fact to come to think of it, the mgt is not totally is at fault, but the pple they employed is one of the primary factor as well.. but i guess i am not in a good or right position to comment further. i am going to leave in good terms and what is going to leave with me are the fun, laughter my colleagues brought me, my experience and guidance at work .. :) it's gonna be a whole new start soon~~~ wohoo~~ cross my fingers that it's gonna be something great, something that will hold me there for a couple of years, lots of advancement, lots of big bucks! ~~
well .. have a good break before my work and already has activities lined up .. Bdae Celebration with Bestie White Angel ~~ gonna have a good K session follow by a good massage plus good dinner! hoho .. plus planning high tea with primary school buddy, plus my pampering session with Amore, manicure and pedicure ~~ plus ... lunch sessions with my ex-colleagues ... hmm.. plus my plan of jogging every morning .... plus finish my Sex and the City ... plus do a bit of reading on Marketing ... i am thinking of rebonding my hair as well... hmm.... well... wonder if my short break can cater for all~~ haha ..
in fact i wanted and hope to go for a holiday.. but being broke i decide to stay Singapore .. and i wanted to walk around or even lie on beaches of Sentosa or go to Pasir Ris theme Park or go for photo taking at the Zoo ... haha .. but most of my friends are working ... who can accompany me ... oh yes .. i wanna go for a good drinking session~~ really need to chill chill out ... haha ...
well ... went to catch F1 live on TV ... wasnt such a fan but decide to join in the fun with my frendz ... Fernando Alonso won the match! really amazed .. this is a game that needs loads of persevere, concentration and focus! 3 Cheers for Alonso!
oh well ... nothing's exciting already .. beena HDB tai tai for months le ... lolX ...
i guess i need some sparks man .. life's really getting boring and pessimistic ... lolx ...
feelings of loneliness occasionally sets in ... many times i feel myself not good for anyone ... many times i regretted .. many times i missed the person i shouldnt missed .. many times i think i am useless... many times i wished that i could turn back time .. many times i wished ... i just wish .. well ... it's really impossible to look back or go back but to have a better future~~ oh well ...
gonna pen off le ... see ya ~~
P/S : didnt talk to puppy crush for a long time already .. didnt see him online ... never return my sms ... wonder how is he ...
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Quick Update~~
hi my friends!!!
It's me!!! i haven been blogging ... haha... well .. i rem the last time when i was acti vely blogging is when i was at NSEC Coy... Ever since i left, I haven been logging in and probably because i too tied up with my current job or perhaps .. life is just so boring that I do not have anything to update .. nothing interesting?
well.. i have left NSEC and now i am with this chinese coy... 7mths have past.. flown past ... however ... i decided to move again! haha ... well ... i have tende and my last day will be end month... I am so excited and perhaps very relieved ... well.. been hanging out for quite sometimes before i made such a decision...
work has been a good learning curve.. seriously.. i have learnt many stuffs and seriously going through a couple of process that is not within my jobscope. But i like to learn things and exposed to things which i do not know. I have always believe that to know ur stuffs well then; you are able to convince myself of knowing whats going on with your job.
then why am i leaving?!? well.. my initial plan was to stay here for a good 3-5 years period and then apply for a job at P & G ... but ... things doesnt seems to go my way ... i admit that my direct boss do give me a lot of room to learn and do stuffs.. but many times i wonder if it is because he simply do not care? or is he too occupied with exports that he hardly bother what is happening to the local markets... well.. i really dun know... initially i already told myself .. if my brand was to be successful in the local market.. it will reflect good on my portfolio ... but but .... well.. blame myself for not being able to persevere further...
seriously ... to be person in charge of company really not easy .. to be a manager is also not easy ... alot of initiative, direction, motivation needs to be given and done. passion for work .. morale of work... maintaining loyal staffs is a very important thing that i realise.... here... staff turnovers is so so so high.... even my customers complain to me that i am the XX person that they liaise ... haha....
anyway ... i will start work in mid october ... bless me my friends...
i need to pen off for now ... it's gonna be 530~~~ wohoo!
Cheers!
It's me!!! i haven been blogging ... haha... well .. i rem the last time when i was acti vely blogging is when i was at NSEC Coy... Ever since i left, I haven been logging in and probably because i too tied up with my current job or perhaps .. life is just so boring that I do not have anything to update .. nothing interesting?
well.. i have left NSEC and now i am with this chinese coy... 7mths have past.. flown past ... however ... i decided to move again! haha ... well ... i have tende and my last day will be end month... I am so excited and perhaps very relieved ... well.. been hanging out for quite sometimes before i made such a decision...
work has been a good learning curve.. seriously.. i have learnt many stuffs and seriously going through a couple of process that is not within my jobscope. But i like to learn things and exposed to things which i do not know. I have always believe that to know ur stuffs well then; you are able to convince myself of knowing whats going on with your job.
then why am i leaving?!? well.. my initial plan was to stay here for a good 3-5 years period and then apply for a job at P & G ... but ... things doesnt seems to go my way ... i admit that my direct boss do give me a lot of room to learn and do stuffs.. but many times i wonder if it is because he simply do not care? or is he too occupied with exports that he hardly bother what is happening to the local markets... well.. i really dun know... initially i already told myself .. if my brand was to be successful in the local market.. it will reflect good on my portfolio ... but but .... well.. blame myself for not being able to persevere further...
seriously ... to be person in charge of company really not easy .. to be a manager is also not easy ... alot of initiative, direction, motivation needs to be given and done. passion for work .. morale of work... maintaining loyal staffs is a very important thing that i realise.... here... staff turnovers is so so so high.... even my customers complain to me that i am the XX person that they liaise ... haha....
anyway ... i will start work in mid october ... bless me my friends...
i need to pen off for now ... it's gonna be 530~~~ wohoo!
Cheers!
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Confused
just as i thought i might have successfully pushed him out of mind, something crops up and leaves me hopes and thought lingering over him. damn...however, i still think if i do meet someone other than him and can really grow with that person, Xin probably can be pushed out of my mind. haha .. i dun think i am devoted in the sense .. haha .. but seriously, till date .. he holds a place in my heart still.
Messaging him beginning of the year was like something very random. i felt i need to sms him that and i did. however, i didnt continue my msg after his reply. i do not know wat i was seeking after then. Seriously, I dun know wat kind of message I was hoping to receive. I just felt that I needed him to know and I did. With the message, I told myself it was enough and no more stalking over his profile or watsoever. I really controlled well for the next 3 months which included his birthday month. I guess busy at work did me a good job of not stalking him. No FB allowed at work truly helped a lot.
But things happen. Unexpectedly, things happen around same timing. I really do not know why at such. Sometimes, I do feel Fate is playing with me. I secretly viewed his profile on my birthday week and discovered his trip to Europe plus a new car he bought. I cant tell the reasons for the trip or is the car really his. But I believe, he's leading a fruitful life and a real good one for him. It made me ponders quite a bit. The thought made me sad though. If we were still together, perhaps he wont get to go Europe or even get himself a car or a good career. I doubt I am able to motivate him as much as what the girl can do. I doubt he would be so successful now if we were still together. I really think so. And this saddens me. It made me think I am such a lousy partner I can be. I told my friends and said perhaps this ending is best for us and he has make the right choice. I do feel happy for him and sad for myself. hahaha ... sounds so 伟大? isnt it ? hahaha
This is not just the end. After I had that 伟大 thoughts, I told myself I need to move on and just concentrate on work first. Who knows... he messaged me on Whatsapp on FB. It caught me off guard.I didnt expect this. It was few days after my bdae. He didnt wished me at all. It was a simple "hi" and how you have been etc. And I blamed fate for playing a trick on me again cuz the network between us was very laggy. Messages were read and received minutes after sending. It got me very uptight and I kept sending the same messages twice worrying that he did not receive my messages at all. Our conversations stopped after awhile and I was disappointed and sad once again. Despite years after, despite a no-communication between us for years, despite a boyfriend in between this period; he still can make me so uptight. I think I am a fool really. But I would say again, I am not faithful or really so devoted. Perhaps if I get to know a new person, he will be replaced?
After this really short catchup, his friend call me days after. It was not a about him conversation. But it ended up with me confused once again. His friend said it was a waste of us not getting together or having to talk things out with each other. I really think we would not be able to get back. He just keep saying I should give it another shot. He knew I want him back and he said he would try to contact him and talk to him. I am confused about this suggestion. I do not know if I am happy about this. I am a changed person; he's a changed person. I have grown fatter? Not as pretty, not as tolerant etc. And our frequencies could have differ. We still should be together as he deems? I doubt so. The worst of all is he says Xin did mention that he would marry me if we our relationship did not have any hiccups then. Though I know that was a casual thought that Xin had that time; nevertheless I feel that I destroyed everything that was meant to have a good ending? It's me . The next foolish thing that I did so rashly was asking him if he's getting married even before he friend getting back to me. (not sure if his friend would do anything)
till now... I did not receive any reply. I do not know if this is just been selfish of him wanting to have a person so seriously in love with him at his side or he simply dun wish to hurt me. With him, I am always at a loss. Perhaps I just read too much into everything.
is it just so hard to break someone's heart? it is so hard to tell the truth?
I did tell myself to be prepared for the worse. just accept the fact one day he would settle down with someone. But when I posed the question so directly, there's no answer. It is pain again ; and once again i am seeking pain for nothing.
Jaz ... no more 童话 .. pls wake up .. there's no 童话 nor 灰姑娘 ...
Messaging him beginning of the year was like something very random. i felt i need to sms him that and i did. however, i didnt continue my msg after his reply. i do not know wat i was seeking after then. Seriously, I dun know wat kind of message I was hoping to receive. I just felt that I needed him to know and I did. With the message, I told myself it was enough and no more stalking over his profile or watsoever. I really controlled well for the next 3 months which included his birthday month. I guess busy at work did me a good job of not stalking him. No FB allowed at work truly helped a lot.
But things happen. Unexpectedly, things happen around same timing. I really do not know why at such. Sometimes, I do feel Fate is playing with me. I secretly viewed his profile on my birthday week and discovered his trip to Europe plus a new car he bought. I cant tell the reasons for the trip or is the car really his. But I believe, he's leading a fruitful life and a real good one for him. It made me ponders quite a bit. The thought made me sad though. If we were still together, perhaps he wont get to go Europe or even get himself a car or a good career. I doubt I am able to motivate him as much as what the girl can do. I doubt he would be so successful now if we were still together. I really think so. And this saddens me. It made me think I am such a lousy partner I can be. I told my friends and said perhaps this ending is best for us and he has make the right choice. I do feel happy for him and sad for myself. hahaha ... sounds so 伟大? isnt it ? hahaha
This is not just the end. After I had that 伟大 thoughts, I told myself I need to move on and just concentrate on work first. Who knows... he messaged me on Whatsapp on FB. It caught me off guard.I didnt expect this. It was few days after my bdae. He didnt wished me at all. It was a simple "hi" and how you have been etc. And I blamed fate for playing a trick on me again cuz the network between us was very laggy. Messages were read and received minutes after sending. It got me very uptight and I kept sending the same messages twice worrying that he did not receive my messages at all. Our conversations stopped after awhile and I was disappointed and sad once again. Despite years after, despite a no-communication between us for years, despite a boyfriend in between this period; he still can make me so uptight. I think I am a fool really. But I would say again, I am not faithful or really so devoted. Perhaps if I get to know a new person, he will be replaced?
After this really short catchup, his friend call me days after. It was not a about him conversation. But it ended up with me confused once again. His friend said it was a waste of us not getting together or having to talk things out with each other. I really think we would not be able to get back. He just keep saying I should give it another shot. He knew I want him back and he said he would try to contact him and talk to him. I am confused about this suggestion. I do not know if I am happy about this. I am a changed person; he's a changed person. I have grown fatter? Not as pretty, not as tolerant etc. And our frequencies could have differ. We still should be together as he deems? I doubt so. The worst of all is he says Xin did mention that he would marry me if we our relationship did not have any hiccups then. Though I know that was a casual thought that Xin had that time; nevertheless I feel that I destroyed everything that was meant to have a good ending? It's me . The next foolish thing that I did so rashly was asking him if he's getting married even before he friend getting back to me. (not sure if his friend would do anything)
till now... I did not receive any reply. I do not know if this is just been selfish of him wanting to have a person so seriously in love with him at his side or he simply dun wish to hurt me. With him, I am always at a loss. Perhaps I just read too much into everything.
is it just so hard to break someone's heart? it is so hard to tell the truth?
I did tell myself to be prepared for the worse. just accept the fact one day he would settle down with someone. But when I posed the question so directly, there's no answer. It is pain again ; and once again i am seeking pain for nothing.
Jaz ... no more 童话 .. pls wake up .. there's no 童话 nor 灰姑娘 ...
Thursday, March 25, 2010
love and hate waiting game
yes..it has been awhile .. a very long while ... though perhaps i wasnt too faithful during this period .. but his presence was never really forgotten ... there will never be a day that things would happen differently anymore.. everything is more or less finalized ... congrats ... a changed you ... new life ... she is .. indeed colours of your life ... i only painted your life blue then ... the truth that i found out ... i deserve the ending that i have today ...
its a love and hate waiting game....
its a love and hate waiting game....
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Nincompoops!
I am one myself i think.. i am reckless.. insensitive... i did alot of things that pissed people of. I feel unwanted.. I feel that I am hated.. I feel that I am very unliked ... very not suppose to live... almost committed suicide that day! but i am scare of e pain and no courage to just give up.. life's just too short .. oh well... but i feel i never live the life i want nor my way... very sad... i am feeling so moody today!
i sms xin once again... stupid.. dun know how many times i said i want to give up.. yes i will... i didnt reply his sms after .. in the first place... i just want him to know how i feel? well... he should just slap me and ignore me or get married.. it's better... or i should just get a replacement!
i sms xin once again... stupid.. dun know how many times i said i want to give up.. yes i will... i didnt reply his sms after .. in the first place... i just want him to know how i feel? well... he should just slap me and ignore me or get married.. it's better... or i should just get a replacement!
Monday, December 21, 2009
Purpose in Life
Life’s short. So have you led a fruitful life? I have led a busy life. I wonder if it’s really because of time management. I probably do not know how to lay my priorities right. Thus I am always rushing for things here and there. It’s also perhaps the reason why I am not successful in my life now.
I hope to be successful one day. What is successful to me? I really do hope to have a business of my own. I guess I probably can only achieve it via Facebook now… Opening up restaurants/parks/farms is just at the click of the mouse on FB. The real idea of business seems so far away. No capital, no fantastic idea no luck… I probably will be an employee for the rest of my life. Well, it is not bad to be an employee actually. There is no so much of responsibility within plus you can just quit if you really want to. Of course, the best is good pay and good boss. I would say till now, I am blessed with good bosses. I am really glad with it as I do not have the extra pressure or stress to deal with terrible bosses or cunning colleagues. My bosses have been nice and I do have colleagues as my good friends. However, I am always on the lookout for new job. Not that I keep changing my job; my current company is only my second company that I worked with only. My beginning was at a manufacturing company and I learnt quite a bit from my direct boss. He did teach me a lot of stuffs and I also learn a lot from other seniors from the ex-company. I am glad once again. If not for them, I probably wouldn’t have the chance to go overseas business trip alone and probably would not learn business skills as much. The experience is not that much but it was a good start.
Now with my current company, I felt a lack of recognition. I do my best as much I am given and I dare to say that I did what I was expected and perhaps more that that. I am truthful about that. However, there are limitations to where I can develop. In terms of money as well… the increment… oh well… Bosses have been fairly nice to me though sometimes I feel times of unfairness when lotsa of work are given to me and colleagues are walking here and there. I guess this is something I cant do much about it; I can only grumble and complain/whine to my friends/colleagues or my brother. So I really want to venture out in 2010. I need to. In order to meet the challenges and my dreams/ambitions; I need to move. If I am paid super duper well and just need to do brainless job, I am fine with it. Haha. But will there be such an opportunity? LOL or people just say get a rich man and married. Is there such a nice, rich guy around? ; If there is, my chance? It is just so hard to believe in that hope.
FB is so good for making connections. Establishing contacts with lost friends and colleagues. It is simply too good and too powerful. Found many of my friends via FB and so glad to be updated with their status through this powerful tool. It also affected me at times. Well, I am asking for it. LOL.
Saw many of my friends with a good career. Envy their life. Envy their money. Envy their luck. I feel happy for them. Seriously I swear. But many times I wish, I can be the same. Not only that,a lot of my friends are married and seems blessed. Of course, pictures can be deceiving but they do look happy. At times, I wish I can be like them. Of course, they would have their own problems and pain. And happiness really depends on individuals I guess. I think I really need to stop comparing. From the bottom of my heart, I feel happy for all my friends who are happy and blessed. And I wish I can be like of them. =)
Even including Xin. I have remove Xin from my FB and refuse to add him on fb as I do not wanna feel sad because of seeing him on fb. He has changed and leading a rather fruitful life from what I see. I feel happy for him though things have to go through this to change. Anyway, perhaps many things are destined to happen in this sense. He’s part of my life before. He affected me, gave me happiness/pain/dramas. But nevertheless, I chose it. LOL
Life is like a box of chocolates. You’ll never know what you gonna get.
I hope to be successful one day. What is successful to me? I really do hope to have a business of my own. I guess I probably can only achieve it via Facebook now… Opening up restaurants/parks/farms is just at the click of the mouse on FB. The real idea of business seems so far away. No capital, no fantastic idea no luck… I probably will be an employee for the rest of my life. Well, it is not bad to be an employee actually. There is no so much of responsibility within plus you can just quit if you really want to. Of course, the best is good pay and good boss. I would say till now, I am blessed with good bosses. I am really glad with it as I do not have the extra pressure or stress to deal with terrible bosses or cunning colleagues. My bosses have been nice and I do have colleagues as my good friends. However, I am always on the lookout for new job. Not that I keep changing my job; my current company is only my second company that I worked with only. My beginning was at a manufacturing company and I learnt quite a bit from my direct boss. He did teach me a lot of stuffs and I also learn a lot from other seniors from the ex-company. I am glad once again. If not for them, I probably wouldn’t have the chance to go overseas business trip alone and probably would not learn business skills as much. The experience is not that much but it was a good start.
Now with my current company, I felt a lack of recognition. I do my best as much I am given and I dare to say that I did what I was expected and perhaps more that that. I am truthful about that. However, there are limitations to where I can develop. In terms of money as well… the increment… oh well… Bosses have been fairly nice to me though sometimes I feel times of unfairness when lotsa of work are given to me and colleagues are walking here and there. I guess this is something I cant do much about it; I can only grumble and complain/whine to my friends/colleagues or my brother. So I really want to venture out in 2010. I need to. In order to meet the challenges and my dreams/ambitions; I need to move. If I am paid super duper well and just need to do brainless job, I am fine with it. Haha. But will there be such an opportunity? LOL or people just say get a rich man and married. Is there such a nice, rich guy around? ; If there is, my chance? It is just so hard to believe in that hope.
FB is so good for making connections. Establishing contacts with lost friends and colleagues. It is simply too good and too powerful. Found many of my friends via FB and so glad to be updated with their status through this powerful tool. It also affected me at times. Well, I am asking for it. LOL.
Saw many of my friends with a good career. Envy their life. Envy their money. Envy their luck. I feel happy for them. Seriously I swear. But many times I wish, I can be the same. Not only that,a lot of my friends are married and seems blessed. Of course, pictures can be deceiving but they do look happy. At times, I wish I can be like them. Of course, they would have their own problems and pain. And happiness really depends on individuals I guess. I think I really need to stop comparing. From the bottom of my heart, I feel happy for all my friends who are happy and blessed. And I wish I can be like of them. =)
Even including Xin. I have remove Xin from my FB and refuse to add him on fb as I do not wanna feel sad because of seeing him on fb. He has changed and leading a rather fruitful life from what I see. I feel happy for him though things have to go through this to change. Anyway, perhaps many things are destined to happen in this sense. He’s part of my life before. He affected me, gave me happiness/pain/dramas. But nevertheless, I chose it. LOL
Life is like a box of chocolates. You’ll never know what you gonna get.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Stalking
@ 1538 ......... the stalk begins .............
2 besties hand in hand starts their daily routine again .... will there be additional one who follows... i dun know....
the stalk begins....
I will be back....
2 besties hand in hand starts their daily routine again .... will there be additional one who follows... i dun know....
the stalk begins....
I will be back....
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Randomly Me - 2
i can hardly talk today.. caught a cold since last week and i am still coughing badly and loss of voice... well... it became worse when i couldnt stop myself frm munching the keropok's at jac's place... LOL
till now.. i cant stop myself from leaving chilli out of my meals... it's my necessity!
November is a month that I need to keep myself home .. my mum's birthday as usual causing me a big hole in the market. Plus Ting Jie Jie's wedding this month. And my another "god daughter"'s born ... Her parents ask me to be her Godmum le... haha... Went to visit my friend and goin to my God daughter's full month celebration .. Farewell for Jac ... SX bdae ... Sentosa trip .. i can hardly have time of my own ...
Caught the Christmas's carol though.. free ticket from ET's boss due to donations .. A ok show ... though i very much wanna watch My Sister's Keeper which i didnt manage to watch. Total disappointment! well...
I want my voice back.... I cant talk to anione.... yucks!
For Jac ... Good Luck to your new endeavors~~~ you will make it! Plus Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise also ... LOL .. Will Smith is not bad too~~~ hehe... Take care!
For myself ... I feel glad that i am quite happy most of the times this year...
My Rule to Love Myself is good. In order to learn to be happy, to appreciate others, i must love myself... i do love myself .. very much also.. haha ...
Friends out there... Life's short... Learn to appreciate things in life .. Little things can make wonders... And do not be too stubborn .. I am a live example ... i am stubborn by nature and i still do... and i wasted my youth on a lot of wrong choices in life... well... now is to catch up on things i missed out~
wohoo~~~
this is a very random post .... thoughts and events are not properly blogged ... hehe
*facebook addictive*DS addictive*PSP addictive these days*
till now.. i cant stop myself from leaving chilli out of my meals... it's my necessity!
November is a month that I need to keep myself home .. my mum's birthday as usual causing me a big hole in the market. Plus Ting Jie Jie's wedding this month. And my another "god daughter"'s born ... Her parents ask me to be her Godmum le... haha... Went to visit my friend and goin to my God daughter's full month celebration .. Farewell for Jac ... SX bdae ... Sentosa trip .. i can hardly have time of my own ...
Caught the Christmas's carol though.. free ticket from ET's boss due to donations .. A ok show ... though i very much wanna watch My Sister's Keeper which i didnt manage to watch. Total disappointment! well...
I want my voice back.... I cant talk to anione.... yucks!
For Jac ... Good Luck to your new endeavors~~~ you will make it! Plus Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise also ... LOL .. Will Smith is not bad too~~~ hehe... Take care!
For myself ... I feel glad that i am quite happy most of the times this year...
My Rule to Love Myself is good. In order to learn to be happy, to appreciate others, i must love myself... i do love myself .. very much also.. haha ...
Friends out there... Life's short... Learn to appreciate things in life .. Little things can make wonders... And do not be too stubborn .. I am a live example ... i am stubborn by nature and i still do... and i wasted my youth on a lot of wrong choices in life... well... now is to catch up on things i missed out~
wohoo~~~
this is a very random post .... thoughts and events are not properly blogged ... hehe
*facebook addictive*DS addictive*PSP addictive these days*
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Randomly Me
Have you try walking barefooted on the roads? Not on sand ok ?
Hee… because of the blisters I had due to the red heel that I wore. It was so painful that I took it off and walked on the roads. Haa! It was an experience…. Not a very good one… but I feel so carefree…. Haha
Have been watching movies almost every week… caught Love happens, Imagine that, Ugly Truth, The Proposal… perhaps will miss My Sister’s Keeper le … L
Anyway, I love going for movies and going ktv to sing. Though my voice not getting any better; and I keep singing old songs. I feel old… really …. Not as energetic as I think I could… Dance? Perhaps once in long long while …. And I doubt I can last more than an hour anymore… haha
I miss drinking on Friday nights… I miss mahjong with my cousins … I miss having high tea with my friends back in Uni time … I miss gossiping about colleagues … I miss shopping … I miss being my friend’s attire consultant … I miss the challenges at work…. I miss lotsa things…
But I enjoy my current life though… but it is rather stagnant… probably need something to boost it …
Perhaps “him” can do it … LOL
Just put that I am curious to know about him on FB … so many people have been asking me about it … well… just curious over him … I dun know why .. perhaps just chemistry? Didn’t think that there will be someone after Xin excluding my crushes at work…. It has been years … hmm… will it meant to be another drama? I dun know … but I am taking things really slowly …. Well… the stage of being friends is probably more important than further than that ….
Congrats to Mr Teng & family~~!!!! Beautiful Reika is born into this world. She’s gonna be a beautiful princess with lotsa love from her parents =)
Jiayou to me! I am gonna be happy… I dun wanna be in tears or hurt … Life can be sweet and simple if I want it to be …
Sunday, October 11, 2009
~Slacking Monday~
Monday blues. Turn to blogging to get my day through. This blog is getting real mouldy.
Life has been the same.. seriously, my life is very routine ? It's either outings with my family, friends or colleagues. Nothing pretty exciting; just meals, movies, shopping. I have not know anyone new in my life. Or anyone that is of my interests though. hmm.. there is.. but somehow, J* was right. At his age of 36 and he still wants to focus on his career, something is probably quite wrong with him. Hmm.. this probably tells me i should have a career path before i reaches 30 also. Otherwise, something is probably wrong with me as well. And ... cross my fingers, hope to get a positive answer from Mr J.Lin soon. *grins*
I feel myself getting submerge in my pool of sorrows each day.. Please ... do not get myself drowned ... Just hope i would be saved soon. I will survive!
I just realize i love going for movies and eating popcorn. I didnt realise that. And I love sweet popcorn. hee. I love to watch movie and really not thinking of anything during the show. Just watching and enjoying it. Movies are just like encounters of human around. hee
And I have chopped off my hair. With a lighter head, hope everything is better for me ? I also suddenly really into liquid eyeliners and mascaras. haha. want to make my eyes look bigger than usual. well, they do. And they make me look like a malay. People have been mistaking me as a malay many times since. LOL
But i do have some unhappiness. i cant take statements from my closed ones. i know the words are meant to be jokes.. but i can be really upset when i hear them. i hope i can learn to take it.
*lunch now*
bye!
Life has been the same.. seriously, my life is very routine ? It's either outings with my family, friends or colleagues. Nothing pretty exciting; just meals, movies, shopping. I have not know anyone new in my life. Or anyone that is of my interests though. hmm.. there is.. but somehow, J* was right. At his age of 36 and he still wants to focus on his career, something is probably quite wrong with him. Hmm.. this probably tells me i should have a career path before i reaches 30 also. Otherwise, something is probably wrong with me as well. And ... cross my fingers, hope to get a positive answer from Mr J.Lin soon. *grins*
I feel myself getting submerge in my pool of sorrows each day.. Please ... do not get myself drowned ... Just hope i would be saved soon. I will survive!
I just realize i love going for movies and eating popcorn. I didnt realise that. And I love sweet popcorn. hee. I love to watch movie and really not thinking of anything during the show. Just watching and enjoying it. Movies are just like encounters of human around. hee
And I have chopped off my hair. With a lighter head, hope everything is better for me ? I also suddenly really into liquid eyeliners and mascaras. haha. want to make my eyes look bigger than usual. well, they do. And they make me look like a malay. People have been mistaking me as a malay many times since. LOL
But i do have some unhappiness. i cant take statements from my closed ones. i know the words are meant to be jokes.. but i can be really upset when i hear them. i hope i can learn to take it.
*lunch now*
bye!
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
D.N.A ?
D.N.A ... means ... Mayday!
well ... haven been blogging for a couple of months.. life has been really sian and i losing my focus as usual .. couldnt bring myself to do anything other than slacking... shopping .. sleeping .. playing computer games ... etc .. but only one thing which i have been trying to work towards it; applying for job. oh well ... was really hoping to get in the marketing company that i went for interview.. somehow .. i didnt get it and terribly disappointed as it is not just an administrative job.. i feel i can do much better than administrative stuffs .. well due to lack of experience and confidence .. i failed again! oh well .. i need to get back on my feet again! starts again ~~~
and yes .. i watched Mayday concert this year again! last yr, i went to there 1st concert and fell so much in love with them. This year .. i cant miss them out .. and all the queues and money spent is worth worth it .. cuz ... i manage to touch Ashin!!! wohooo~~~ plus .. Monster and Stone ... haha! i am so so happy that day. I went to two of their concerts this year .. and not because i have too much money as many of my friends who claimed.. so tired to explain that i bought the Sat tickets very early .. and it was sort of accompanying my sis and cousin that i bought the Fri tickets as well... grew to be quite agitated when i need to explain that many times to different people... oh well... i know i need to use the money elsewhere .. well ... i mean i also finding excuse for myself .. haha.. but really .. if i have the choice.. i did... i probably just go for one day nia.. unless.... XXX LOL
with Mayday performing ... the D.N.A world tour ... i bought their merchandises.... haha..hell lot ... t-shirts, caps, CDs ... a total of almost 300 bucks! well .. gotta lie low for the next couple of weeks... furthermore .. a couple of wedding dinners coming up ... argh ....
so far .. life has been very much the same ... meeting up old friends, meeting them for dinner and catching up .. plus occasional movies, ktvs, shoppings.. and ya .. i very into Bodyshop recently... bought scrubs, lotions and etc etc .. i am damn hopeless...
but i have been thinking a couple of things that strike me though .. i realise i really do not have a mind of my own .. and thats pretty sad .. well ... i have to go ... update the sad part another time ...
bye~~
well ... haven been blogging for a couple of months.. life has been really sian and i losing my focus as usual .. couldnt bring myself to do anything other than slacking... shopping .. sleeping .. playing computer games ... etc .. but only one thing which i have been trying to work towards it; applying for job. oh well ... was really hoping to get in the marketing company that i went for interview.. somehow .. i didnt get it and terribly disappointed as it is not just an administrative job.. i feel i can do much better than administrative stuffs .. well due to lack of experience and confidence .. i failed again! oh well .. i need to get back on my feet again! starts again ~~~
and yes .. i watched Mayday concert this year again! last yr, i went to there 1st concert and fell so much in love with them. This year .. i cant miss them out .. and all the queues and money spent is worth worth it .. cuz ... i manage to touch Ashin!!! wohooo~~~ plus .. Monster and Stone ... haha! i am so so happy that day. I went to two of their concerts this year .. and not because i have too much money as many of my friends who claimed.. so tired to explain that i bought the Sat tickets very early .. and it was sort of accompanying my sis and cousin that i bought the Fri tickets as well... grew to be quite agitated when i need to explain that many times to different people... oh well... i know i need to use the money elsewhere .. well ... i mean i also finding excuse for myself .. haha.. but really .. if i have the choice.. i did... i probably just go for one day nia.. unless.... XXX LOL
with Mayday performing ... the D.N.A world tour ... i bought their merchandises.... haha..hell lot ... t-shirts, caps, CDs ... a total of almost 300 bucks! well .. gotta lie low for the next couple of weeks... furthermore .. a couple of wedding dinners coming up ... argh ....
so far .. life has been very much the same ... meeting up old friends, meeting them for dinner and catching up .. plus occasional movies, ktvs, shoppings.. and ya .. i very into Bodyshop recently... bought scrubs, lotions and etc etc .. i am damn hopeless...
but i have been thinking a couple of things that strike me though .. i realise i really do not have a mind of my own .. and thats pretty sad .. well ... i have to go ... update the sad part another time ...
bye~~
Monday, July 27, 2009
Awaking ?
Seriously I am not worried that I will be left on the shelf .. but I am surrounded by lots of pretty friends and all are single. Ok .. even if they may they not hold a really pretty face, they are pleasant looking and good girls… but they are single. As time goes by, hanging out as a group becomes a habit and the fear of being covered with webs starts crawling in.
But I am losing faith and trust. I also lose the confidence I used to have. I am straying myself away from guys… other than those guys that I know for years .. my social circle of guys has stop increasing. Yes… stop… I am surrounded by men… good caliber men… but they are … Married. This is not healthy and I can never and should never get myself involve with married men. Yes … I need to be reminded of that and exercise discipline.
But I am enjoying my life now though. I seriously think I spend more time with my family… and this is a good sign… I have this in one of my things to do list. Haha… But … I always appear a never-grow-up kid in my house. I am not … seriously I am old enough and mature enough to be careful outside. Well … I am never understood. That is sad … really hurts me so.
Back to the being single. Haa.. my friends have arrange activities more and keeping themselves busy. To expand social circle so as to meet new people, keep their minds off things, keeping fit. I guess I should do that too. I am not afraid … but I need to build up the confidence I use to have, need to keep fit and keep myself positive. Listening to too many sad real encounters, I am doubting every relationship around me. That is just so pessimistic. I need to be positive … so that I will be happy and wont feel so loss at times. I guess…
Maybe … I should really forget the past … not forget … never regret the past … or … not to let my past affect my future life?
梁静茹 - 找个人
词曲:刘沁 / 编曲。黄中岳
找个人来爱我 我害怕孤独
这样枯坐到睡去
我感到很冷 感觉很累
找个人来爱我 让我永远坚强
我站在这里
停止奔跑 没有感觉
走在匆忙的城市 努力奋斗的日子
感觉自己并不属于这里
只属于你属于彼此
我要彻底的感受 你是真的在这里
得到一切如果失去你
我感觉到 只有脆弱
找个人来爱我
But I am losing faith and trust. I also lose the confidence I used to have. I am straying myself away from guys… other than those guys that I know for years .. my social circle of guys has stop increasing. Yes… stop… I am surrounded by men… good caliber men… but they are … Married. This is not healthy and I can never and should never get myself involve with married men. Yes … I need to be reminded of that and exercise discipline.
But I am enjoying my life now though. I seriously think I spend more time with my family… and this is a good sign… I have this in one of my things to do list. Haha… But … I always appear a never-grow-up kid in my house. I am not … seriously I am old enough and mature enough to be careful outside. Well … I am never understood. That is sad … really hurts me so.
Back to the being single. Haa.. my friends have arrange activities more and keeping themselves busy. To expand social circle so as to meet new people, keep their minds off things, keeping fit. I guess I should do that too. I am not afraid … but I need to build up the confidence I use to have, need to keep fit and keep myself positive. Listening to too many sad real encounters, I am doubting every relationship around me. That is just so pessimistic. I need to be positive … so that I will be happy and wont feel so loss at times. I guess…
Maybe … I should really forget the past … not forget … never regret the past … or … not to let my past affect my future life?
梁静茹 - 找个人
词曲:刘沁 / 编曲。黄中岳
找个人来爱我 我害怕孤独
这样枯坐到睡去
我感到很冷 感觉很累
找个人来爱我 让我永远坚强
我站在这里
停止奔跑 没有感觉
走在匆忙的城市 努力奋斗的日子
感觉自己并不属于这里
只属于你属于彼此
我要彻底的感受 你是真的在这里
得到一切如果失去你
我感觉到 只有脆弱
找个人来爱我
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
No Title
been so long since i last blog ... wonder who will be waiting to read my blog.. haha
anyway .. time has gone by so fast. it's already july! and i am still stuck here in my jap company .. still single .. still paying for alot of things.. still not much savings ... still busy at work, at home and everything....
do i lack of time management?
alot of things has been running through my mind .. and i do not know if i wanna blog it out... well...
i need my motivation in alot of things. i wonder what can i do. argh. terrible.
hmm...so wat has happen since i last blog...
birthday celebrations. my holiday to my hometown. bringing my friend around singapore. shelving my japan course again. oh well...
and yes.. i remove xiaoxin from my facebook! lol. it was a tough thing to me. seriously. i accidentally found out that he and his gf went holiday last year. got me kinda upset once again. seriously it doesnt matter but at times just feel sad why the person beside him is not me.. oh well... looking back... i seriously do not know how to handle my relationship. and i guess i did not try to help in our relationship. no experience at all. i just simply give in alot and turn deaf and blind to alot of things. in life... this is not going to be of help. neverthless. i happy now i hope. i dun need another 6 years to learn that he is over and out of my life.
now... just need to read newspapers more often .. have a change of environment again.
and .. i am starting to like to slack at home.. i love to be at home at alot of times.. hehe
i wanna save~~ i wanna go somewhere~~~ haha ... i wanna be clear of troubles... please... do not let my past haunt me again and again!
anyway .. time has gone by so fast. it's already july! and i am still stuck here in my jap company .. still single .. still paying for alot of things.. still not much savings ... still busy at work, at home and everything....
do i lack of time management?
alot of things has been running through my mind .. and i do not know if i wanna blog it out... well...
i need my motivation in alot of things. i wonder what can i do. argh. terrible.
hmm...so wat has happen since i last blog...
birthday celebrations. my holiday to my hometown. bringing my friend around singapore. shelving my japan course again. oh well...
and yes.. i remove xiaoxin from my facebook! lol. it was a tough thing to me. seriously. i accidentally found out that he and his gf went holiday last year. got me kinda upset once again. seriously it doesnt matter but at times just feel sad why the person beside him is not me.. oh well... looking back... i seriously do not know how to handle my relationship. and i guess i did not try to help in our relationship. no experience at all. i just simply give in alot and turn deaf and blind to alot of things. in life... this is not going to be of help. neverthless. i happy now i hope. i dun need another 6 years to learn that he is over and out of my life.
now... just need to read newspapers more often .. have a change of environment again.
and .. i am starting to like to slack at home.. i love to be at home at alot of times.. hehe
i wanna save~~ i wanna go somewhere~~~ haha ... i wanna be clear of troubles... please... do not let my past haunt me again and again!
Sunday, March 29, 2009
it's has been awhile ~~~
I am busy at work … yes … I am … sounds so not like me right? Yes … work has been busy … but I think it’s better for me … at least I wont think so much at work? Would I ? … life’s like a drama …
Anyway … I am uploading quite a few nice pics taken for the past month except the makeover one. I just realize I didn’t upload that … lol … aniwae … it’s not a really a makeover and it didn’t look that fantastic. Just show you guys … hehe …
Oh yes … most of the past events are associated with my colleagues I guess … I had received a golf ball from my idol … he endorsed it with his signature plus tiger woods… lol … well … little things that they do make me smile though …
Then followed by white day … March 14 … March 14 is as explained below …
Valentine's Day and White Day
Valentine's Day was introduced in Japan in 1936 by a Kobe, Japan based chocolate company, but was not widely celebrated until 1970's. In Japan, however, it is customary for women to give chocolates to men, and it is usually to men that they have no romantic attachments to. The majorirty are given to their bosses. In exchange, White Day was devised in the late 1970's to further increase department store and chocolate company sales. White Day is celebrated on March 14th and is the day that men return gift of white chocolate to those women that he received dark chocolate from on Valentine's Day. Most men neglect this, except for high positioned businessmen, and it is their wives that take on the responsibility of buying White Day gifts. White Day gifts are typically twice the amount of what the woman spent on her Valentine's Day gift and may even include personal items such as underwear. Since the underwear is purchased by the wife of the boss, it is not considered inappropriate.
And as you can see, I have receive some chocolates…though not from all my japs… but from those who did, I really appreciate their gesture and that make them very sweet … or is it me just very simple … easily satisfied? Regardless… I have not finished the chocolates … too much … lol ….
Then about 2 weeks ago, we had dinner and ktv session again … this time round, I must say … the dinner is rather different to that in the past already … it was really a chat and eat sessions and occasional playing around … I guess…all of us ages …. Not much strength to play … lesser pics but looks more bonded … I do enjoy my time with them and I am really glad that they are very nice to me … and I realize there is another one that I starting to admire … he’s been sweet as well. Though he did not do exceptional sweet things but I can feel … hard to explain …. Well … many idols … but … none can stay in my heart … and none can be the one that I would like to settke down with … haiz….
And yes … one of my khakis left … well … I shall miss my chatting sessions with him, smoking sessions, curry puff sessions, chicken wings session and lunching session … nevertheless … I wish him all the best ~~~ Mr P* baboodoo~~~~
And finally I went Café dEMar~~~ my angel knew I was upset and insisted to pull me to sentosa that day … well … just had a drink .. but I guess it’s quite a peaceful place….perhaps .. I will go again … maybe alone … if ever I feel down one day … dun be surprise to find me alone there! Haha …
One of the weekends, I went to msia did my hair treatment. And hair was pretty nice … thus became a cam whore that day … love the pics taken on that day especially the one on my msn pic … looks slimming… haha … well … just hope I can have that smile everyday~~~~
Anyway … I am uploading quite a few nice pics taken for the past month except the makeover one. I just realize I didn’t upload that … lol … aniwae … it’s not a really a makeover and it didn’t look that fantastic. Just show you guys … hehe …
Oh yes … most of the past events are associated with my colleagues I guess … I had received a golf ball from my idol … he endorsed it with his signature plus tiger woods… lol … well … little things that they do make me smile though …
Then followed by white day … March 14 … March 14 is as explained below …
Valentine's Day and White Day
Valentine's Day was introduced in Japan in 1936 by a Kobe, Japan based chocolate company, but was not widely celebrated until 1970's. In Japan, however, it is customary for women to give chocolates to men, and it is usually to men that they have no romantic attachments to. The majorirty are given to their bosses. In exchange, White Day was devised in the late 1970's to further increase department store and chocolate company sales. White Day is celebrated on March 14th and is the day that men return gift of white chocolate to those women that he received dark chocolate from on Valentine's Day. Most men neglect this, except for high positioned businessmen, and it is their wives that take on the responsibility of buying White Day gifts. White Day gifts are typically twice the amount of what the woman spent on her Valentine's Day gift and may even include personal items such as underwear. Since the underwear is purchased by the wife of the boss, it is not considered inappropriate.
And as you can see, I have receive some chocolates…though not from all my japs… but from those who did, I really appreciate their gesture and that make them very sweet … or is it me just very simple … easily satisfied? Regardless… I have not finished the chocolates … too much … lol ….
Then about 2 weeks ago, we had dinner and ktv session again … this time round, I must say … the dinner is rather different to that in the past already … it was really a chat and eat sessions and occasional playing around … I guess…all of us ages …. Not much strength to play … lesser pics but looks more bonded … I do enjoy my time with them and I am really glad that they are very nice to me … and I realize there is another one that I starting to admire … he’s been sweet as well. Though he did not do exceptional sweet things but I can feel … hard to explain …. Well … many idols … but … none can stay in my heart … and none can be the one that I would like to settke down with … haiz….
And yes … one of my khakis left … well … I shall miss my chatting sessions with him, smoking sessions, curry puff sessions, chicken wings session and lunching session … nevertheless … I wish him all the best ~~~ Mr P* baboodoo~~~~
And finally I went Café dEMar~~~ my angel knew I was upset and insisted to pull me to sentosa that day … well … just had a drink .. but I guess it’s quite a peaceful place….perhaps .. I will go again … maybe alone … if ever I feel down one day … dun be surprise to find me alone there! Haha …
One of the weekends, I went to msia did my hair treatment. And hair was pretty nice … thus became a cam whore that day … love the pics taken on that day especially the one on my msn pic … looks slimming… haha … well … just hope I can have that smile everyday~~~~
Thursday, March 05, 2009
Getting to Know Myself Better???
Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of your love:Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.
Your views on educationEducation is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
How do you view success:You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of:You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.
Who is your true self:You like privacy very much because you enjoy spending time with your own thoughts. You like to disappear when you cannot find solutions to your own problems, but you would feel better if you learned to share your thoughts with a person you trust.
*http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx*
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of your love:Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.
Your views on educationEducation is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
How do you view success:You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of:You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.
Who is your true self:You like privacy very much because you enjoy spending time with your own thoughts. You like to disappear when you cannot find solutions to your own problems, but you would feel better if you learned to share your thoughts with a person you trust.
*http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx*
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
PeRveRts LunChies SeSsion =p
as usual .. with a bunch of guys together .. they probably forget that i am not a male... serious .. but .. ok lah .. actually since schooldays, i am usual with mix of guys rather than gals... it's better .. so i can control my blushness... haha... otherwise .. i keep blushing ... yes... i still blush! lol
anyway ... the topics for e past few days super "high" for my group... e day before was on threesome. haha .. i told JJ* that i read with a lady writing to a magazine asking for advise. The lady was planning to celebrate their anniversary. And she was planning something real ... *XXX* she was thinking to arrange a threesome party for her bf ... i am like ... huh ... is she being serious ? hmm .. i think i cant accept this idea ... i think the lady has gone nuts ... lol ... thus .. threesome was ytd ...
yes.. on monday ... off-shoulder or tube ... which is more sexier ... caught the topic on class 95. personally i felt that off-shoulder is much sexier .. tube .. unless .. the lady has super good figure .. otherwise off shoulder is good ... giving even room for sexiness and fantasy ... lol ... i sound like a man ...
today ... even more super "high" a sudden discussion between bikinis and bra ... why is it accepted if a woman walks along e road with bikini and not accepted if she walk in bras! lol .. well well... nothing's fair in this world ... aniwae .. i guess is the message bring across when you wear bikini or u wear bras...
haha .. and i asked .. prefer naked or with something ... lol ... tis guys prefer something on first ... totally naked will be off... haha ... men ... afterall ... their mindset super duper XXX ... Then i brought up my friend's story .. and stupid them ... teased me that i am the person in the story ...
there's a gal who fell in love with tis guy .. no matter what she do ... he doesnt accept her ... well..she's not exactly very pretty ... i do not her well enough... so i cant comment on her character .. but ... i know she really love that guy ... and one day ... she went up to his house ... with e mindset of seducing him ... and it failed despite she took off her clothes ... i think it is real sad for e girl ... but seriously ... surprisingly .. he rejected her ... and my khakis claims .. motive clear ... thus they would not wanna board the lorry ... men ... men...
well... i dun trust their statements... men afterall ... think they really cannot think w their small brain of theirs... they can be smart creatures ... but somehow .. i think most of them think and work with their *XXX . perhaps ... many men would jump and disagree ... but tis is my point of view...
well... at least e topic brought us all laughter .. can kill e bit of boredom at work ...
i wonder.... whats on tml ... LOL
anyway ... the topics for e past few days super "high" for my group... e day before was on threesome. haha .. i told JJ* that i read with a lady writing to a magazine asking for advise. The lady was planning to celebrate their anniversary. And she was planning something real ... *XXX* she was thinking to arrange a threesome party for her bf ... i am like ... huh ... is she being serious ? hmm .. i think i cant accept this idea ... i think the lady has gone nuts ... lol ... thus .. threesome was ytd ...
yes.. on monday ... off-shoulder or tube ... which is more sexier ... caught the topic on class 95. personally i felt that off-shoulder is much sexier .. tube .. unless .. the lady has super good figure .. otherwise off shoulder is good ... giving even room for sexiness and fantasy ... lol ... i sound like a man ...
today ... even more super "high" a sudden discussion between bikinis and bra ... why is it accepted if a woman walks along e road with bikini and not accepted if she walk in bras! lol .. well well... nothing's fair in this world ... aniwae .. i guess is the message bring across when you wear bikini or u wear bras...
haha .. and i asked .. prefer naked or with something ... lol ... tis guys prefer something on first ... totally naked will be off... haha ... men ... afterall ... their mindset super duper XXX ... Then i brought up my friend's story .. and stupid them ... teased me that i am the person in the story ...
there's a gal who fell in love with tis guy .. no matter what she do ... he doesnt accept her ... well..she's not exactly very pretty ... i do not her well enough... so i cant comment on her character .. but ... i know she really love that guy ... and one day ... she went up to his house ... with e mindset of seducing him ... and it failed despite she took off her clothes ... i think it is real sad for e girl ... but seriously ... surprisingly .. he rejected her ... and my khakis claims .. motive clear ... thus they would not wanna board the lorry ... men ... men...
well... i dun trust their statements... men afterall ... think they really cannot think w their small brain of theirs... they can be smart creatures ... but somehow .. i think most of them think and work with their *XXX . perhaps ... many men would jump and disagree ... but tis is my point of view...
well... at least e topic brought us all laughter .. can kill e bit of boredom at work ...
i wonder.... whats on tml ... LOL
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