Emotional Ah Jaz

8th August was a eventful day? I was walking alone in the malls and I think I saw someone that I used to know. If I am not wrong, we walked past each other without acknowledging each other's presence. I should be right that I didnt see the wrong person. Well, it made me kinda sad as we used to be friends? I thought we were close friends as well.. and we had stop contacting for whatever reasons that I cant really remember. But I knew I was quite pissed over some incidents; however for me, it's sad to lose a friendship like that. 

And just I thought this saddens me, I saw another one that saddens me even more. I was dining with my school friends and was chatting away. And just like in the tv shows, i couldnt talk properly as I see him walking into the same restaurant and right in front of me into the private room. i was stunned until i couldnt speak. It has been years since I last seen him. very much the same. well.. i was pondering whether to msg him and I did. And true enough, I didnt got the wrong person and we were in the same place. like the saying " so close yet so far". 

well.. i felt so emotional over this. i am not sure why it is so but i guess the fact that he has always been in my heart says alot of things. i love my boyfriend but for him it's a feeling that i cant describe. 

i was pretty curious over hows he is doing now but we didnt have the chance to chat face to face. anyway, like i say before, i knew he's doing quite well now and i am really glad that he is. i used to think back, why am i not the lady beside him when he is feeling so happy and successful now, i was sad. we have went through a rough patch and we couldnt be together anymore kinda saddens me. perhaps it's just not meant to be in the first place. nevertheless... everyone has his and her life to go on and choices in life. we have made our choice then. sincerely, i wish him all the best still. 

after a night of being emotional, my boy listens and talks. he's pretty understanding and i am really blissed. 

it has been awhile since i blogged. perhaps it's time to shift my blog?  

~现在我很幸福~

like what the title says.. it says how i felt everyday since i know him and the decision to be with him. 

hope everyday will be as what he promise.. i just wanna be happy and smile :) 

i am blissed..

Platonic Friendship

The Definition ..... 

1) A very close male friend that a woman has. Their relationship is strictly "just friends" and usually never involves anything sexual. Men do not have platonic friends, just simply women they haven't fucked yet. 

Somewhere along the way, John made a wrong turn and slipped into the friends zone by not making a sexual move on Cindy. 

Joe: "Do you know what a platonic friend is to a woman?" Max: "No" Joe: "A dick in a glass case. In case of an emergency, BREAK GLASS" 

2) A very very very close friend of the opposite sex. A woman is a man's platonic friend if she's his best friend (or a very close friend of his), but nothing more. And yes, contrary to what's been said earlier, men CAN have platonic friends, just like women. 

person1: Ashley and Brandon are so close to each other, they spend all of their time together. I'm sure they're dating! 

Person2: Not necessarily, i asked Ashley yesterday and she told me that there was nothing between them, they're just platonic friends. 

3.sometimes when a man wants a women yet he knows she is grossed out/creeped out/not attracted to him he will attempt to get close to her claiming to be merely a "platonic friend". When a women wants to be gentle to a man and not go out with him she may use a phrase similar to " I just want to be a platonic friend" 

Chris wanted Kristen but knew he could never have her so he claimed he just wanted to be a platonic friend  Jodie Foster turned down John Hinckley by saying she just wanted to be his platonic friend. ------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well.. I do have platonic friendship with some people around. However, is it really possible with everyone? Or does he feel the same? This is making me miserable though I need to set my records straight again. Just the scandals are enough to make me feel unwell.. Still needing to look strong and nothing? thats so cool! 

argh.. 

"Platonic Love is a fool's name for the affection between a disability and a frost. " 

great ... seriously ... I deserve more seriously...

Troubled

i am seriously very troubled by the incidents haunting me..
well .. i am at a loss...
we are so close yet so far...
hate this kind of feeling ...

thoughts ...

~~黄小琥 不只是朋友~~


你身边的女人总是美丽
你追逐的爱情总是游戏
在你的眼里
我是你可以对饮言欢的朋友
你从不吝啬催促我分享你的快乐
你开心的时候总是挥霍
你失意的片刻总是沉默
在你的眼里
我是你可以依靠倾吐的朋友
你从不忘记提醒我分担你的寂寞
你从不知道我想做的不只是朋友
还想有那么一点点温柔的娇纵
你从不知道我想做的不只是朋友
还想有那么一点点自私的占有

你开心的时候总是挥霍
你失意的片刻总是沉默
在你的眼里
我是你可以依靠倾吐的朋友
你从不忘记提醒我分担你的寂寞
你从不知道我想做的不只是朋友
还想有那么一点点温柔的娇纵
你从不知道我想做的不只是朋友
还想有那么一点点自私的占有

想做你不变的恋人
想做你一世的牵挂
想做你不只是朋友
喔....喔....
你从不知道我想做的不只是朋友
还想有那么一点点温柔的娇纵
你从不知道我想做的不只是朋友
还想有那么一点点自私的占有
你从不知道我想做的不只是朋友
还想有那么一点点温柔的娇纵
你从不知道我想做的不只是朋友
还想有那么一点点自私的占有

Random

october was a super tough month for me. suffocating to the max. glad it's over but the problem's still there... but i really hope my problem will be resolve one day and i would not be haunted by such things again!

40 days left for 2011. time really passes by so quickly ever since i left school. it passes by so much so until my life is so routine until i really quite loss about the kind of life i am leading.

i realize that my mood fluctuates easily. Every month, there will be a period of super peh chekness coming from me. I lose my patience, temper so easily until i think i am nuts. serious.

anyway, A* came to Singapore again last month. nothing much of his agenda probably he misses Asia too much. he's like more excited to see me this time and more warmth. me instead wasn't that excited then. been too busy with events at work plus my free lance. but i guess i grew tired of the distance thingy and plus i dont like a not clear situation thus became tired. And.. probably he's coming back to SG in Jan again. hmm... i dont know what he want and i guess i probably should not think too much about things. need to learn not to be serious over alot of things. but it's not easy. probably been hurt too much and now i think i cant joke much about things.

work frustrations happen almost everyday! seriously. it's getting very bad. and i have been bitching with J* alot her and others. we are just too gam and if it's not for her, i think i would have left. She has the same sentiments. i am so likeable~~ haha well.. it's really difficult to find a perfect job, earn enough, nice colleagues, good opportunities, good location. i have always tell myself i do not have the luck of getting something that i like but i do get something's pretty good for me. am i asking too much?

nevertheless.. hope my free lance is good for me and i can achieve what i want in life. my mentor's pretty nice and i think he's pretty nice. he can be very irritating but he's a smart guy and pretty serious. well. i think i am quite blessed to have people around me who actually are quite nice to me. i am grateful for all these and i believe more good would come.

i need to get over all the unhappy things that has been haunting me for very long or hoping miracles would happen. things that deserve to change would be miracles. things that deserve to be forgotten shall be gladly washed away.

i shall end my post with these words written in front of my pc reminding me to be hang on~

"Whatever with the past has gone. The best is always yet to come. "

i hope my best will come soon.  

Feeling Smurfy...

Caught the movie smurfs and really enjoy the show.. And pick up the slang adding smurf in sentences cuz this word can mean alot of things. So in fact, I don't need to say how I really feel. Sounds stupid? But I think quite cute and sometimes as I am so complex.. Maybe I do not know the best word to describe how I feel... I feeling Smurfy... Recently been very stress at work.. Alot of deadlines to meet.. My work is really making me physically and mentally bushed out... So much so until I really can collapse.. :( Apart from work.. I really feel very moody... I guess I really have personality problem.. I can't cope and I think it's very bad.. Though I love myself and how I think, how I behAve, how I feel about things.. I think I am really terrible. I know I need to be positive and I think I did change but I am too emotional.. I am so complex and confuse that I can just break down and cry. I guess I am tired.. No matter how strong and how independent, how simple I can be.. I just feel upset at times.. I don't feel lonely.. But I am really alone.. That's it.. I dunno wtf this is abt.. Damn... And xin.. Why are you appearing so frequently in my dreams recently? Wtf.. Haiz.. I think I quarrel with my motivation. And I am pretty affected.. Ok.. That's it.. Gd.. Very gd... Night..

~Housewife for 3 days~

i am bushed ..

already so tired just after cleaning up the living room, study room and kitchen.. plus preparing meals for 3 days consecutive... hoho...

well.. took leave for 2 days for the setting up of the open-net thingy at my house .. in the end, it was done a day before thus i can rest for my leave. parents went of of town leaving the 2 little ones for me. they are pretty big but i need them to be my guinea pigs.. haha

anyways, had a good meal with m close friend and i went exploring myself. tried out udders ice-cream finally. heard from biaoge that its nice. bought his recommendation - Earl Grey. hmm.. strong earl grey taste but frankly the ice-cream is just quite normal? well, been quite into sweet stuffs recently. thats worrying for my diet. haha
Earl Grey
i roamed around fairprice for abt 2 hours like a typical housewife planning my ingredients for the next few days. wanna test out my pots and pans.. haha.. thus whipped up healthy citrus grilled chicken without oil, tomato based pasta, apple pan cakes, fried rice and agar agar!
Citrus Grilled Chicken Tomato Prawn Pasta
hmm... the citrus chicken was quite a success, but the pan cakes and rice was not to my expectation. :(

nevertheless.. i will work harder! haha ... realize my company's products are really good.. certainly value for money at such a pricey item. :)

had a simple girls night out picnic under the moon yesterday! it was quite fun. we drove to yishun dam and stayed there had our drinks, grilled sausage (without oil again! :P), my pancakes plus chimney~ :P beside us was this Ah beng group.. Thanks to them, we had music for at least for a good couple of hours. they played a wide range of songs and of course ah beng songs plus super sentimental sad music. but it's quite nice :)

a fruitful break this time around. though i really wanted to club yesterday. too stressed and upset :P

I will jiayou! :) Gonna Watch Smurfs!

25 minutes

the time is 4.22am ... i have not fall asleep yet.. haa... while waiting for my hair to dry, perhaps it's time to write another entry of blog to update my life so as not to forget certain stuffs.. The entry - "25minutes" .. As i am writing my entry, this song was playing on Class95. one of my favourite songs and yet another sad song. haa :P

i am really getting very bad memory.. regardless how many tomatoes i eat these days :( they dont seem to help. Anyway, just some stuffs. but surprisingly, some encounters in life, when there's a wish to forget them, they just remain in your minds for years even little stuffs..this is pretty amazing.

time really flies when you start working. time never seems enough for me as i always feel that i didnt achieve anything much. i am simply to lazy to move out of the well that holds me inside? anyway, my dad ask my mum to ask me if it's worthwhile to work in my current company. the saturdays that i burn plus the nights that i worked late.. are these worth? frankly, i enjoy doing my work and i didnt think that these occasional lateness and saturdays being burnt is alot.. but parents being parents.. hmm... or perhaps they just feel i do not earn enough? is it just the $$? money money money ... money do evils ... really ...oh yes... when i was packing my stuffs few weeks ago, i was reading some letters from Xin back... he actually use one of that reason that says he could not sustain both of us since we were studying. Sounds like i am spending his money eh? J* quoted that it's not my fault and instead he is just not capable thats why. Really, i didnt really think that he's not capable. we were students then. i do not think i am finding an excuse for him. he's doing so well now that sometimes i do think that money was one of the reasons that is the factor. of course, my closest friends know the many reasons behind that painful breakup but of course money didnt initiate the end of the relationship.. ANYWAY, I will be super loaded .. haha ... i must believe that in order for it to happen...haha

at work .. i will be working with an ex artiste pretty closely. haha.. i am quite excited about it. he doesnt put on airs, modest, sincere .. hope our relationship at work will be good :)

oh ya .. i have a book that i wrote my short term and long terms goals for my life. Thanks to k*. hmm... he's really someone so full of positive energy that i finds it quite amazing. i am so so so pessimistic when i find myself compared to him. well... i really do not know him that well enough as i find him so hard to know him but nevertheless i feel grateful that i know him and really appreciate the motivations he gave me. frankly, i think he doesnt feel that what he did was that lot but to me they really did. in times when one is feeling down, some words just matter alot. and usually at times like this, i feel so alone without my friends. friends whom i think they were simply arent there by my side. how sad is this. oh well..

H* is so so funny. She envies me for being so naive. haha... she actually says that. but she did say that being me too naive and trusting can be rather dangerous. ask me to watch out. the envy part is because people will try to protect me ... hmm.... do they ? i have gone through couple of encounters that i was betrayed by friends. Are there any guardian angels then? haha .. i do not know. i am just so ... stupid? probably needs to fall many times to learn.. haha regardless ... i believe that there are guardian angels beside me and i am lucky enough .. hope so ..

there are just so so many things i wanna do ...there are so many good movies coming up and i wanna watch ... been hearing about henderson walk or what hortspark so many times.. i wanna go have a walk breathe in some fresh air .. no one wanna go with me .. :( and when i caught the ballet under the stars last month, we had a mini picnic that make me wanna go picnic again! the picture of the couple beside me that day just keep coming back. it was so sweet. i find it a relaxing thing to do but of course it's the preparation that is a headache to many. thus my friends are not keen. :( i wanna travel.. yes... perhaps a short family trip this year before my bro gets enlisted.. next year is to korea with the girls. i shall make this come true. wrote this in my little red book and it's beside my bed.. haha ..

oh ya .. i wanna go k... wanna practise my vocals... haha...

anyway ... i think ... the most important thing now is .... go sleep ... haha ... it's already 5am ... my hair's not dry yet! haha

gonna pen off ... need to fb abit ... play games abit ... daze abit ... think abt stuffs abit....

Jiayou everyone ... including myself :)

~Sometimes it lasts in love. But sometimes it hurts instead~

i have always like sentimental songs.. especially sad love songs.. that's me. love the saddest lyrics and always felt the lyrics meant something to me and sometimes i feel the i am in the situation... haha. :p

now recommending my all time favourite now ..

"Someone Like You"

I heard
That you're settled down
That you
Found a girl
And you're
Married now

I heard
That your dreams came true.
Guess she gave you things
I didn't give to you

Old friend
Why are you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold back
Or hide from the light

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over

Never mind
I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
"Don't forget me," I begged
"I'll remember," you said
"Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead."
Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead,
Yeah.

You know how the time flies
Only yesterday
It was the time of our lives
We were born and raised
In a summer haze
Bound by the surprise
Of our glory days

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over.

Never mind
I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
"Don't forget me," I begged
"I'll remember," you said
"Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead."

Nothing compares
No worries or cares
Regrets and mistakes
They are memories made.
Who would have known
How bittersweet this would taste?

Never mind
I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
"Don't forget me," I begged
"I'll remember," you said
"Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead"

Never mind
I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
"Don't forget me," I begged
"I'll remember," you said
"Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead"

Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead

Avril Lavigne - Wish You Were Here

I can be tough
I can be strong
But with you, It's not like that at all

Theres a girl who gives a shit
Behind this wall
You just walk through it

And I remember all those crazy thing you said
You left them running through my head
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here

All those crazy things we did
Didn't think about it just went with it
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here

[chorus]
Damn, Damn, Damn,
What I'd do to have you
Here, Here, Here
I wish you were here

Damn, Damn, Damn,
What I'd do to have you
Near, Near, Near
I wish you were here.

I love the way you are
It's who I am don't have to try hard
We always say, Say like it is
And the truth is that I really miss

All those crazy thing you said
You left them running through my head
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here

All those crazy things we did
Didn't think about it just went with it
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here

[chorus]
Damn, Damn, Damn,
What I'd do to have you
Here, Here, Here
I wish you were here

Damn, Damn, Damn,
What I'd do to have you
Near, Near, Near
I wish you were here.

[bridge]
No, I don't wanna let go
I just wanna let you know
That I never wanna let go
Let go, Oh, Oh,

No, I don't wanna let go
I just wanna let you know
That I never wanna let go
Let go, Let go, Let go...

[chorus]
Damn, Damn, Damn,
What I'd do to have you
Here, Here, Here
I wish you were here

Damn, Damn, Damn,
What I'd do to have you
Near, Near, Near
I wish you were here.

~30th May 2011 Blog Entry~

what a boring title... haha

Falls in love easily and hurts too much

I deemed myself as someone who fits this phrase totally. my friends say I fall in love too easily with anyone but I guess the chemistry is important. Is it just me feeling lonely or is it just the worries of being left on the shelf as I see many of my friends getting married? Frankly, not all married couples are happy from what I see and perhaps being alone is really much happier. However, I really love the thought of having my own family and with my own kids. Though upbringing is really very important and standard of living in Singapore has gone too high and I do not wish to have kids and make them suffer. Aside from the thoughts of having family of my own, I really want to share my life with my partner just like fairytale .. however happily ever after seldom exists. Though I knew that many a times, yet many times I just love to hurt myself when I falls in love too easily. And many times when I am thinking of relationship, Xin will appear. I will ask is that really love or because I cant find somebody? There is no exact answer and I will feel moody after awhile. This is stupid.

“Self-inflicted misery smirks under its crown of thorns.” I should have known better.

Time flies with nothing much accomplished

6 months have gone in a blink and nothing much has been achieved.

I am in caught in the stupid life cycle of born > study > work > work > and work. I think that’s really disappointing and I am always in this tiny dot here. Argh. But I got no one to blame other than myself to blame. I choose this myself. My greatest wish … get over and done with my this year and plan some travelling next year. Of today, I have another 6 more months to go. Meanwhile, get myself busy still. Work on my wish, do some exercises, do more reading to widen my tiny horizons and boost my career.

Nevertheless, I am happy here at my point of life now. Occasional blows wont get me upset for too long. That’s pretty good enough for now. To be simple and naïve is good at times .. I thought I was smart… smart for the wrong reasons? But I need to learn to protect myself. Really. Too trusting has always cause me deal of trouble. I need to learn from it.

~USS Experience - 19th March~

really enjoy my saturday with my friends at USS. A special thanks to P* who arranged this trip. :)

I fell sick on thursday. caught a flu and migraine attack on the same day itself. was so worried that i might not be able to make it. i be my own doctor and took alot of medicine hoping that i will recover soon. then i couldnt sleep on friday night and gotta wake up early on sat. fortunately, i didnt felt that bad when i woke up so off i go ...

my friends were quite surprised to see me early that day.. LOLX... anyway the first ride we took once we reached USS was the Cylon... so called the most scary ride... i didnt dare to take the ride .. they just keep asking me try dun waste the money .. so finally i took the plunge .... OMG ... my legs were like jelly after the ride.. SERIOUSLY ... the ride was very scary and i just keep screaming throughout the whole thing... eyes closed for almost the whole ride... but i am quite glad i did take the ride afterall.... however, probably becuz of the bread that i took abt an hour before the ride.. my gastric start stirring ... really felt very terrible after the ride.. my face became pale and i couldnt move ... so took my medicine immediately ... luckily half an hour later, i was alright and continued my beautiful saturday.

took the other rides ... but it was quite unlucky cuz it was raining ... lucky for us, the major rides were taken .. but gotta find shelter to hide now and then ... and i didnt took alot of pics... love the buildings structure ... enjoy the shows and food ... it was truly a fun day with my friends and their relatives ... haha .. my 2 friends brought their parents along, and one brought her cousins, niece and nephews...

hereby i post some of the pics ... pictures tells a thousand words ... i am truly happy on this day ... really screamed my lungs out ... a good reliever of my stress and unhappiness :) I am thinking of a picnic next... haha .. wonder when will it happen .. :P

2011 - 1st Post

hi my friends!!!! I haven been updating my blog.. haha.. well ... getting more lazy ... but i guess i will try to maintain it as long as could .. I think its a nice way to rem some of the incidents in life that i am experiencing... plus my stress/unhappiness reliever .. LOLX

anyway, still nothing much to update.. life goes on with my usual work .. plus meetups with friends.. one of my friend claim that i have no personal space ... cuz my life revolves around work only. Plus, even with my friends, i am leading a boring life... hmm... is that really boring ?

seriously.. i trying to save hard. i wanna travel... hope to go somewhere this year at least. that's my biggest wish for now...

been rather moody recently for some reasons ... anyway, i am glad i have support from my family, Mr Wee, my close friends... I will survive ... i hope ... JIAYOU!!!

P/S : my heart goes out to those affected by the earthquake at Japan last week... this is indeed very devastating and horrified ... really hope people on earth can have peace ...

I will try to update my blogs more often ... i wanna make it more alive... instead of just hiding away ... haha... :P

god!!! it's 8 days to another New Year!!!

hohohoho!!! 2010 is ending!!! how how how!!!! i am getting older!!!! hahahahaha

well, nothing exciting this year for me .. ever since started working, it's just work, family and friends... nothing much.. my work as usual not here not there.. for 2010, i have worked in 3 different companies.. Well, ended my 3 yr relationship with the japanese firm.. missed the colleagues there..they are really nice bunch of pple but prospects is not gd for me in the long run..then comes the FMCG company...alot of freedom, nearby, interesting work but decide to move becuz of unappreciative mgt plus scary notice period and lousy mgt... decides to move in 6mths time ... and now... 2 months in this Danish subsidiary company and still counting.. jobscope wise, nothing new plus new interesting things plus more tired than usual...so far colleagues are still gd as small coy. Boss is really smart but rather fierce and quick tempered.. still coping ... but is this the right kinda job that i wanna stay for the next 3 yrs... i hope... i lazy to change and think it is not a gd thing to keep changing ... just hope... i get what i deserve and i will perform the best that i can! haha

family.. i think i am spending more time with them. it is one of the things that i wanted. i hope i can keep it going.. however, really at times.. i need breathing space.. thats the part that i really hope they can get it ... or is it me that dun get them? nevertheless, i really love my family lots lots... but i miss the gd old times where i go malaysia for hols and play mahjong and chit chat with m cousins .. however, these days..pple get older..they start working and many of us drift apart.... this is kinda sad though... well.. but i am looking forward to chinese new yr! i wanna spend time with them plus my mahjong! haha

friends ... enjoy meetups, ktv, movies, chill out, dinners with them all. i can be very nice to my friends.. just dun betray me ... i get hurt... and hurts deeply ... sorry for alot of my friends who i cant meet often but i am always very excited to see them even once in a long while.... really appreciate the quality time shared... =) to many friends out there... thanks for being there when i needed help the most... you guys have help me in one way or another... really appreciate it .. ;)

Love .. hmm.. i am still single ... nobody chasing me and i am no kidding .. haha anyway ... to whom who have become part of my life then and no longer now .. you have brought me alot of pain and memories .. i am trying to rem only the gd things.. :) to the one whom i think i greatly love before ... i wish you happiness... and i hope you are wishing me that .. haha ... well, frankly speaking, its the age that worries me ... i would love to settle down despite to the many horrible experiences i know... but i also believe that many would have fairy tale ending .. there is the possibility of miracle... :) life goes on ...

i am still as crazy as i used to be ... as naive as i always have been ...but i think my temper has become worse, and as usual put on weight .. but more hiao than usual ... for the new yr ... i will work for the better!

i wish everyone happiness and good health ... =)

Love you dearly for those who reciprocates ...=)

my 1 month colleague ...

my kc colleague left the company.. well... we didnt expect her to stay for long but neither we did expect her to leave so immediately. but things were so bad even on the day she came to collect her cheque. my manager tried to ask her wats is pending and she just screamed at her saying that she's not being professional and stop wasting her time. She also keep claiming that there's no pending issues and everything she has done, the boss knows and pending issues we can refer to diary ... tell me what kinda answer is that ...

well... despite that she's leaving... she still make everyone unhappy ...

i felt relieved yet sad with her leaving the company. seriously, she has caused alot of unhappiness at work due to her attitude and behaviour.. but to be not likeable by so many people is quite saddening...

well nevertheless .. i just hope she finds a job that suits her...

and now ... with my new on board manager .. we are trying to save ourselves in the flood... well... i do kinda bit of stress .. but everyday after i realise i learnt something new, i am so happy ... simple things just make me glad...i hope my choice here is right.. i dun wanna keep changing ....

of course... money matters.... just hope the adjustment would make me smile more ... haha ;)

Random

i am tired... physically.. due to shortage of manpower, alot of things i have to do manually. Plus the going on events at the end of the year... i am so so tired... well.. though i enjoy it ... i just felt so demoralised at times... plus a hard to work with colleague .. it just make things much more difficult for me .. and really need more motivation...

humans are simply very complexed .. though i find myself able to understand and guess whats on pple's mind, i have difficulty knowing my family mindset... haha.. plus ... my closest friends minds.. these days.. i feel that humans are afterall selfish though i knew it long ago.. but the weird thing is .. humans are usually getting selfish as they know each other closer... i wonder why is it so...

and ... people are fixing me up with men here and there.. haha... and so far.. my friend very excited and think that her friend from China can be a good match for me in terms of height and character.. and i started to sms in chinese so often .. haha ... well... just let it be ...

anyway, i gotta pen off ... it's time to work... and gotta go vivo later again ...

P/S: gonna burn my holiday and weekends with work.. haiz ~~~

Work and work

these days i am no longer a vase in the office. I cant do more manicure nor can i wear nice dresses or even heels to work. With duties like office today, i cant be a vase that i used to be ...

it has been 2 weeks at my new office. Instead of dealing with cooking oil back then, this time round.. cookwares are what my coy is doing now... i am moving closer closer to dream of a eatery related business! hahahaha.. Probably, the next time i will deal with direct raw materials like vegetables, fruits or chicken or fish ... haha ...

Anyway, i was almost to submitting my resignation letter last week. After 2 hours of product training, i was left with my colleague to learn the ropes from her. No directions no other instructions, i was cursing then.. yet another coy that has hidden problems? The most senior one is the director herself who has been with the coy for abt 8 yrs. the next senior is warehouse uncle who joined the coy 1.5yrs ago.. my other colleagues worked less than half a yr. thats abt it ..and i tot fengshui wasnt too gd when one of my colleague fell sick on my first day and she was mc for a week. The 2nd day of my work, my another colleague was hospitalised.. further to the drama that came, my promoter called in to resign his work. His wife also called in to say that she is thinking of resignation too. i joked then "fengshui no gd .. prob i shld move too?"

on top of all these fengshui things, there are other factors. my KC spider colleague plus the fact that i gonna burn my time with work with events now and then. oh yes.. plus money. It is definitely not a highly paid job that i have took up, and i also didnt understand why i didnt ask for more when i sign the appointment letter. i must be dreaming. :( well i blamed it for my admiration of the director for that. haha.

anyway, i gave up the thoughts of it when my other colleague came back. i was really testg my tolearances when there were already lotsa frustrations coming from KC spider and really couldnt tolerate her constant rattling plus fav phrases. she just keep harping and harping non-stop. And i lost my cool and quarrel with her... i couldnt stand it.. i did regret abit but i glad i could handle it more professionally in a way that i just let her rattle all the way when we were in the cab and i told her 2 hours later that everything is due to communication problem and we must not do it again. haha .. i actually did that. just when i think i will be dragging myself to work frm then onwards, had a causual chat with my director and other colleagues that i realize the problem is not me, it's her. she has been giving pple problems; and i tot it is due to my childishness then. i was so glad and relieved. plus in fact my director didnt appear so scary as wat she claimed after i had a talk with her then.

i decided to stay to further add colours to my resume. however, it's really kinda lotsa hardwork at work. alot of hands on stuffs. hands on doesnt mean just gettg my hands dirty .. i had to do price tagging, count stocks, shrink wrapping and i sweat in my warehouse. it's really tiring. though it's really not totally my job, due to shortage of manpower, i have to help out. and my kc spider stayed in the aircon office continue to busy with her work.

after a long day at work, i reflected again. why am i always like not smooth in my career? i am kinda upset seriously. and my friends.. we never hang out more like we used to do .. i just feel so upset. i know positive things follow positive energy.. but at times.. my positive attitude just drains off... well ... just hope my director will appreciate my work... haha ... as wat i mention during interview, hope our minds think alike... she's a smart lady.. i wished i can be like her.. she's smart and i really feel that she's rather successful. An Ex SIA girl to a director now, plus she can do everything including warehouse stuffs despite her position. .. not many pple do that .. but i am shocked that we had the same mindset when she try to motivate me few days ago. "work hard for the company just like if it belongs to you. " i always think it that way as well...nevertheless.. i feel normal once more for now and will continue to stay on and fight .. just hope my career will blossom~~~ =)

gotta pen off now ... tired ...

P/S: thanks for bring a fan of my blogger puppy crush~~ i didnt think there will be anyone who would read my blog anymore.. anyway, it's a gd way to blog my feelings... no one can hear my whiney these days... everyone is busy with his or her life ... different goals, different purposes in life... i just gotta hang on myself to be strong! haha

P/S again: HURRAY!!! no event tis weekend ... can have a good rest~~ next week will be a tough one for me .... oh well ...

bye~~~

Waddddddddddddddddda i wantttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt

went for 2 massages last week... really felt that i needed more as my shoulders are still so tight and one of the therapist said that my frequent headache could be due to my tight shoulders which causes blockage of enough oxygen to my head thus leading to headache. she sounded convincing enough but massage is a expensive activity.. oh well..

had a wonderful monday as i went for massage with bestie as her bdae gift. had ktv early in the morning before we head for the massage then follow by heavy buffet. it has been so so so long since i go out so so so early to enjoy myself. how i wish i could have done more last week before i start work ..

but nevertheless.. had a simple italian dinner with the pretty babes, met my friend for a quick dessert session, then accompany one of my friend to do shopping for her bbq. time just goes by so fast when ya enjoying ...

also spend wonderful time at home with my siblings. as i spend most of my time outside working and with my friends,i loved my time spend with my xiao di and xiao mei. though they were busy preparing for exams, i love to be around them .. hehe ... tease them awhile and i get back to watch my tv and pc ... hereby i wish they get good results .. i knew my brother is giving himself alot of pressure hope he will relax abit ~~ oh ya .. also had a late night to the airport with dad and mum plus sis and Wee.. 4am .. we were at T3 ... we went for supper at 2 to Redhill for Yong Tau Foo .. it was too full and we ended at T3 to walk abt ... but at T3, we rest for another coffee break.... and we still claimed to be very full... haha ..

just started my first day at work today ... i think i am not very used to the envt and so kinda upset ... but i guess i will adapt soon and hopefully it will be a good one that i hope to be .. i dun wish to job hope that much ... i wanna establish my career soon .. too many friends are doing so so much better than me ... seriously, i felt so useless... i really felt happy for my friends who can do so much better than me but i do feel myself so useless...

but ... i will survive... gonna be successful ... dun want people to look down on me cuz i know that there are pple out there who does that ..

well.. i will prove them wrong ... for pple who truly cares for me ... i really thank you so much ... your presence matters.... i wanna thank my parents also for their upbringing ... many times i felt they do not understand me or really treat me as a kid .. but really .. i am too naive... haha .... hope i will be smarter soon....

gonna zzz... kinda tired..... emotionally and physically ...

night!

P/S: i jogged!!! haha hopefully i will continue to do that for more... though i hated jogging... haha

I am Blissed Enough

had dinner with the girls on tuesday night and heard that there's voluntary work done overseas. was amazed and got me interested and i spend time surfing time for voluntary in sg and overseas. in fact before, i already had the tot of doing voluntary work especially with kids and youths. i love kids and i felt i could do something especially for delinquents or orphans ; but so far only think and no action ...

today was browsing the net and saw many organizations worldwide having voluntary programs and then i realize that there is so much things that i could and able to do. but i never tot of it before. especially teaching in schools. i felt i could and it would be great sense of satisfaction. but seriously, saying is easy. doing is tough. usually the living conditions is not good and i dun know if i am able to take it. imagine before i even try .. there are alot of people who do not have a choice but to cope with such conditions .. i am really blissed ... and i should be grateful ..

looking at the kids living conditions, sad stories behind .. i cried... i cant help but wanted to do something immediate if i could .. but i think i am not ready for doing voluntary work overseas ... i think i cant ... to the volunteers ... i seriously salute to them .. guys out there ... u guys are good!

in life, there are really many many things to do .. yet there are many pple out there who do not know wat can they do. nowadays, many like myself feels so empty and aimless .. many people doing comparison, being jealous, find faults with pple, always feel bored at home .. feel down, dream big and and just hope they will achieve it .. wat is e essence of life ....

anyway ... i think for now i hope i will settle well for my new job starting next monday. once my work starts and if it's fine, i am going to apply for voluntary work in singapore. i need to start somewhere. i am also planning to get a child sponsorship for a child. this is a commitment and i hope i can do it well thus hopefully i will be financially independent enough to accommodate this plan of mine in future.

yes i wanna travel for my hols. and i hope at the same time i can participate in the international voluntary project at least once in 3 yrs.

yes ... it's a random planning ... but i hope i can do this. though i know many times i failed my planning .. i really wish this time round i will be successful.

i am blissed enough ... i am grateful for it .. and i shall try my best to at least make another 1 person to be blissed afterall.